Life and Living

Life and Living

1

Mr. Mohanty was at uneasy with himself while he was taking an evening walk through the quiet park. The morning conversation he had with his lone visitor kept coming back to his mind again and again. The visitor was rough and violent , to meddle with his life so, he had been ungentlemanly too, thought Mr. Mohanty; what right he had to put forward such uncomfortable questions, questions no body would like, particularly at his age. It was becoming dark. How could he face the questions in the black and blank of night, that he felt so difficult to come across during the bright day light ! he will hide his face on the pillow and think he was at peace and there were no daunting questions and it will be calm at his heart and that will take him through to sleep, determined Mr. Mohanty.

Times were so difficult now a days, even without unwelcome visitors who put such cold and unexpected questions and who felt the delivery of this heathen world to heaven lay on their shoulder.

“What is the goal of your life?”

“What ought to be the goal of human life?”

At his age, with his accumulated wisdom, one could attempt to answer these questions individually without thinking there to be any connection between the two. But to put these together as a bundle and throw so at the face, without any concern for the effect it might have on the victim, particularly when one knows that Mr. Mohanty had already lived sixty and five years of his life, so nicely and so neatly. This is pure apathy. The visitor was thinking he was doing social work, a work he had carved out for him for heaven sake, for upliftment of human beings from their mundane existence, to take them towards divine grace. Least did he know, how unkindly and ungraceful he was — the visitor. He even left behind a book for reference where all the answers lay.

“Come to Krishna and Krishna will take you to heaven,” the book said.

What violence.

Where is Krishna to be found! If only Krishna could come and take him hand-cuffed to some place bound within four walls where questions did not collide with questions and answers will not collide with answers, where the heart did not tear apart for lack of answers and containment of questions.

“Surrender.”

“Surrender completely.”

Mr. Mohanty raised his hand up to the sky and thought,

Take me.

Suddenly aware of his activity, Mr. Mohanty felt even a little ashamed. Is there no body else in this garden, and he looked around, no body was there. Not even Krishna, at least not to be seen. Not even in the guise of some other creature. An animal or a bird or perhaps he was there, may be as some hidden insect. May be Krishna saw that he had raised his hands in surrender. He will make a note of it. Surely.

It is not that Mr. Mohanty was naive in matters religious. He was well through his religious education long since his middle age. He had read the scriptures, the mythologies, and the words of saints. And not only from Hinduism , he was knowledgeable about, Islam, Christianity, and Buddhism too.

But there was certain harshness, the way the visitor put the questions sharply cutting his mental poise, that had disturbed Mr. Mohanty. He knew he had lived a pious life and there were not many moments he could recall that would put him at remorse. Then why was he perturbed?

It is the bundle of questions, that asked him, are you ending a life? Or are you beginning one?

He thought of Darwinian Evolution of species and Sri Aurobindo’s concept of spiritual evolution.

“We are constantly in a state of flux.” Flux means flow-perpetual flow,

Oh, the violence of disturbance, can’t you leave me at peace with my self?

He was looking for calmners, quietude.

2

Mr. Mohanty was back home. Back from his evening walk. An exercise he undertook everyday since his retirement. They were a family of five. The eldest daughter Paro(32), was married, the other two children Sofi (27) and Tapan (20) lived with parents.

Mrs. Mohanty was in her middle fifties. The Mohanty’s lived an ordinary middle class life in a small town in Orissa. The children were all educated in local schools and colleges. The town had a college offering courses only up to graduation. Paro had done her post graduation through distance education in political science. Sofi did her graduation in science and was now pursuing B.Ed through distance education. Since last three years she had been teaching at a local school for some meager salary. Once she completes her B-Ed she would apply for some government post, in case she was not married off before that. A groom was being sought. You would soon be married off and only I shall be at home without your supervising eyes on me, Tapan often teased Sofi. Because Sofi acted sort of matron, always after Tapan advising him to study well at his college. Tapan was in the final year of graduation in the science stream. He had chosen Botany (Hons). Since he was no good at Maths, Physics and Chemistry (Hons) were ruled out. And also there was a good future for Botany (Hons) it was said, now that there was much research in Biotechnology and everywhere courses on Biotechnology were being offered . Everyone in the family wanted Tapan to do well in studies. They put their hope on Tapan’s success for a good future for the family. He was the only boy who could earn and bring further prosperity to the house. As of now, the only source of income was Mr. Mohanty’s pension. To add to it more than a thousand was added as rent from their house adjoining their own home. As a mark of foresight, Mr. Mohanty had built the house solely for purpose of renting so that an extra income could flow in. What Sofi earned from her schools was put in the bank as saving to come to use for her marriage. Marriage was a costly affair. Paro’s marriage had drained a third of Mr. Mohanty’s savings. In India every event was to be celebrated with pomp. Even death of a family member was not spared. In fact a death cost a family so much that you did not know for what to become sad for the loss of your kin or for the drain of your pocket. It did not matter if you are well to do but it cramped on you if you had meager means.

To some extent by celebrating death it lessened some what the grief and the celebration of marriage and birth, enhanced the happiness of the occasion by bringing into fold the other member of society related to you by blood or heart and often too by neighborhood or caste. All caste members must be invited, fed and taken care of during such intimate events as marriage and death for all the modernity and advancement of society the tradition had not given away its foothold through customs and rituals. The Brahmin may not know his subject so well, nevertheless, one such was indispensable for an occasion of celebration if only for some chanting of unknown Sanskrit slokas. He said what he knew and loudly so for our ignorance and lack of awareness of what he ought to be doing.

When Mr. Mohanty reached home Mr. Sahu his tenant was talking with Mrs. Mohanty, sipping his tea. Mr. Sahu was a lecturer at the local college in the science stream. He had been teaching since past twenty years. Quite an experienced teacher he was and popular too. Most of the students liked him. He often talked to his students at leisure and guided them through their career. It is at his advice that Tapan was put to Botany (Hons).

“How is Tapan doing at his studies now-a-days?” inquired Mr. Mohanty upon sitting down on his chair.

“Oh, he is doing fine” answered Mr. Sahu. “We are counting on you to make something of him, there is no one else to guide him you know”, said Mr. Mohanty earnestly.

“Yes, I will do all I can, I will make him more of himself”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean if I try to make him someone he is not, I will make a hypocrite of him”.

“Isn’t education all about making one, what he is not”?

“An extremely difficult question, Mr. Mohanty , I have been struggling with these boys and girls since last twenty years, to see if I can make them different, But you know, I can only add and remove like a sculpture carving on a piece of stone. I cannot make a marble statue out of granite.

“True, but then you do give the shape you desire don’t you?”

“I provide information, I enhance skill I even tell them what to do with themselves which is so very difficult. But you know, Time. Time is very powerful. It is like a stream with which one flows. And it indeed requires a lot not to flow with the current and even more so to flow against it.

“We are the common man I know, to change the course of the current requires a messiah, a mahatma and even he , first learns his history before making his own imprint on it before turning it this or that way”.

“Only Krishna can stop the current or reverse it even as he did while meddling with time as he did for saving Arjuna after Abhimanyu’s death” interrupted Mrs. Mohanty.

“But even he could not stop the war Mahabharat in fact he did not, as you see, even God is humble when he is human” said Mr. Sahu.

“Indeed too human for not revealing Karna’s truth or Kunti’s secret , for not saving Ekalavya’s thumb for favoring Arjuna so as he did” said Mr. Mohanty remembering his mythology.

“I don’t know much about God, but you know Mahabharata some times gives me nightmares to know of teacher’s handicaps. Drona could not make Ekalavya son of a king, Parasuram taught Karna archery but did not teach him what to do of it. There is so much twist, so much contradiction that tells you, time can not be meddled with. When Drona and Parasuram failed, what are we, to make some body what he is not” said Mr. Sahu.

“Aren’t you becoming too fatalistic? Too cynic, Mr. Sahu? Questioned Mr. Mohanty.

“No, No indeed just practical, you see there is so little a teacher can teach and so much a student can learn, particularly in our age of mass education I sometimes feel guilty, I am not doing enough”. Said Mr. Sahu coming back to his own age from hypothetical imaginary stories of past.

“But surely , don’t do injustice to yourself Mr. Sahu, you do take personal interest in students, always guiding them, telling them what they ought to be doing .” said Mr. Mohanty trying to be honest. Just then Tapan came in .from his evening outing .as if to fill a gap between a parent and a teacher. Seeing everybody so serious he directly went in suspicious that now surely they were talking about him and his studies.

Mrs. Mohanty followed him to give him his evening snacks.

“I too ought to be moving, Meera would be looking for me, in case she requires some help with her lessons” said Mr. Sahu, rising to take leave. He often came in for chat with the Mohanty’s, that he was their neighbor. Meera was his daughter , doing her first year in college in science. She was an intelligent girl, passed with very good marks from school. She was matured too for her age and had already developed a good personality. She participated in debate competitions held in the college and always managed to get a prize. Mr. Sahu also made her practice writing passages and pages from her own mind about current affairs, which will go a long way in developing an outlook about the issues facing society. Often Mr. Sahu would get into discussion and arguments with Meera about an issue where they came up with a difference of opinion which they often did to make their time lively and constructive.

3

An impression on a young mind better left soft and subtle to be open to further developments as one came across newer and newer facts and thoughts and ideas. Thus he often left their arguments half and asked Meera to think more from both sides all by herself and not conclude in haste. This gave a balanced view. Her other companion for discussion was Sofi from the neighbor’s house who too had a sharp mind, but she seemed to have developed a concrete view on all matters at hand. Thus her discussion with Sofi was never without firework and differences, and Meera never accepted Sofi’s made views for granted or gave up her position easily. The more Sofi was unyielding, the more entertaining it was for Meera to tease her with arguments which she often did if only for argument sake and it was a great time pass. She learned quite a bit form Sofi, from her much more matured outlook, from her made up feminity, from her vast storage of information. And Sofi kept thinking that Meera was being educated and learning slowly form their fruitful company. With Tapan it was different. He gave up on an argument too easily unless of course the issue was cricket or film. Tapan’s favorite topics were varied but he had made up his mind only on cricket and films and also he thought it degrading to argue with Meera who was but his junior and a girl. He expected Meera to accept what he said without argument and so that he can dictate terms, he never tried to be convincing about his point and once having made one, he expected it to be decided and final. With Sofi, Tapan was different. Because Sofi thought Tapan had to be mended; on matters about studies of course there was dictatorship by Sofi. And when there was some reference to cricket Sofi let Tapan keep to his views. But on films when they delved deeper into the stories and on music when they tried to comment on a lyric that there started a discussion of some value. Sofi had sharp views on society and its ways and with influence from both Mr. Mohanty and Mr. Sahu, she was both modern and traditional, liberal and conservative, radical and moderate.

When she taught at school, she taught them the subject and in addition tried to inculcate values, build character and more than anything else, instill confidence in the self for overcoming the obstacles and difficulties to be offered by society once one grows out of childhood. Blessed are the children for experiencing innocence away from the vicissitudes of life. They were not yet exposed to the daily drudgery of struggle for existence.

When she saw the tribals coming in the morning from the nearby hills with bundles of firewood chopped from branches of trees to be sold in the town slum area hanging from their shoulder, a burden that bent them, she was overcome with compassion. She wondered how much they will make, and how long can they continue to work like this before their reserve of jungle perishes and there is no more tree to be felled, what will they do after that! Natural resource, generous in its offering, though looking abundant is mostly non-renewable in the short term. It will perish one day, what after that, how will one make one’s living after that? Already migration to towns and cities, filling the slum areas with all its dirt and unhygienic living condition neared saturation. The suburbs and the town slums were known for their inhuman living conditions. As long as these people from hills remained out there amid their natural abode of mountains and water streams, they felt protected by nature and did their best to remain in. sprit and humor in spite of the hardship they experienced fighting for two meals a day. The hill offered them a variety of eatables even if cereal was not always to be bought from town. So somehow they carried on going without getting mixed with the town life. As long as they lived in the hills, and came to the town for selling their forest produce and to buy some daily needs, they felt like different people with their own culture, custom, tradition and a special life, that was their own. And like visitors they came into the towns and went back to their abode after finishing their business with good will for the town people.

But once someone of these came into the town slum, to stay and make a living there he felt initially like an alien and not without cultural friction and psychological violence. Sofi could almost feel the difference between these men –the hill people and those who had migrated from the hills to the town, apparent in their confidence level, their naturalness, their self respect. With the hill people, when some times you bought their forest produce, you bargained the price, he acceded when it suited him and reserved his right to refuse, if he did not like, and kept to his independence. The person from the slum, had not separate life different in fullness from the towns folk, so he had not the natural independence, and he gave in. He gave in because his within was blank. He had not yet become a town’s man. He had deserted his past in the hills. Trying to become one amid and among the town, he was only partial in his personality. He knew he had not yet become one from a town. His children did not go the town school. They did not play with the town’s children. There was no social link, only what the daily business required. Some of them worked as coolies in construction work. Some dug drains. Doing all sorts of manual work / the burden of shovel on his shoulder was heavier then the two large bundles of wood had been. Erosion of culture leads to erosion of life. The living becomes incomplete. Something a towns-man can never understand. Because his culture lay mostly limited to his house. It is only on a few days in a year when there is some common celebration like Ganesh puja or Dusehhera or Diwali that the town becomes one, vibrant with common life like the hills folk have everyday, with their daily life which they live together. Other then this, the town’s people mostly live inside their house with their newspapers and TVs connected to the outside world — the greater civilization through awareness of events and through entertaining serials. The larger the city grows the smaller the community becomes.

When Sofi was younger in her school days , she had a society of friends, a community of classmates and collegemates having their own cultures and custom, and they lived like a unit. As she advanced through the years, seniors passed out, juniors crept in, a flow but maintaining a singularity. When she passed out of graduation, pushed out from her college cultures, she cried, knowing that the next day she would not be going to the college. She would become a separate entity, her classmates who were bonded by a common timetable would separate and go each his or her way. There would not be the ringing of periodic bells which would hail them to a common place. No intervals, bunking of classes, no gossips in the common room. No scandal of a boy who had written an ardent letter to a beloved. No competitions where there would be tension and heart aching defeat, and the celebration for the one who managed a prize. No cultural programs where everyone wanted a role in a drama and every one sang a song in the song competition irrespective of knowledge of tune or quality of voice.

All these were past. Gone. Never to come back. Now Sofi was a teacher. The transition from student life to the life of a teacher came along with a transition from girlhood to maturity and from coyness to confidence from shyness to boldness required of authority. If she would have enjoyed a boy moving around a girl with amorous look seeking a look of affection in college, now she weighed such disposition with a scale of solidness of character. She would never permit such emotions to surface among her students who according to her were too young for such diversion from steady sincerity towards education and academy.

She was serious if not very strict with her students. She wanted them all to perform well in the exams and this she took to be her primary goal. At the same time she was aware that the children who were fast growing up as human beings, discovering for themselves new truths around them. The mind and heart both were steadily in a stir, the children in the high school in the senior classes, were exposed to a maturity that only one who has passed such an age can understand. And Sofi understood her students. At around such age the boys were being drifted away from the girls discovering manhood in them and seeing that the girls too were developing physically feminine characteristics. some where at some time, a boy discovered that his female friend was no more quite like him and there appeared small mounds on her chest which is to grow and become big as he had seen in other woman and that he had lost one of his friends forever with whom he can no longer share his private secrets. The boys and girls always sat apart in different columns but the difference between them they discovered and realized only now with startling intensity. Thus they were separated as groups of human beings and never to become one again. This is the age when a boy while growing apart from his female friends experiences an attraction of a strange kind, when he finds himself undecided whether he wants to be near a girl or away from her. Whether he should be talking with one or should just keep looking askance and this looking askance or looking from a distance gave him pleasure. The girl too knew that she was being looked at and this realization made her feel special and if no boy looked at her or tried even to talk to her, she felt left apart but rarely did she approached a boy from her own initiative. Our culture and the teaching which comes along with it forbids such initiative which will but be taken as mild aggression. Quite against custom. And there has appeared a psychological wall too Sofi thought. Some thing that is very special to feminity. That one may allure a boy but hardly ever approach one. She may sometimes daringly look direct at her male friend and initiate a talk irrelevant to her own thinking but can never be sincere or honest to display her inner feelings which are but intimate to herself.

Sofi knowing of such characteristics in her students, dealt with them with a coldness towards their shy withdrawal from society. She encouraged them to come up with academic discussions and become impersonal with facts around them so that the process of education goes on unhindered by adolescent mental turmoil. As an incentive to education, competition among the students to secure higher marks in an exam came to her aid and she made it a point to conduct several examinations to measure the progress the student has made in his or her subject. At such an age the students were easily excited or humored and even angered. Or simply vulnerable to emotional outbursts. Thus they need be carefully guided by a master sailor who knows where they need be moving and where the wind blows. A work of great responsibility, and care, and Sofi was aware of it. When a student got good marks he was happy, when he got less he tended to be demoralized if the cause for his under performance was not understood by him. Thus he needed to be given proper feedback. Sofi was learning a lot about the process of education both from her practical experience as a teacher as well as from her theoretical learning from her B.Ed courses.

4

Sofi often admired Meera’s intelligence and wanted to make her students like Meera, critical, reluctant to accept anything without examination. Hungry for information, listening carefully when she came across new ideas and countering with arguments in the next moment, you never knew whether she agreed with you or not.

It is during one such evening discussion between Meera and Sofi that Mr. Sahu entered his drawing room. Both the girls became attentive to his presence.

“Baba, do you know what happened in the college today?, there was a lot of disturbance and two students were warned for misbehaving with Roshon.”

“How come, I haven’t heard about it”, said Mr Sahu to Meera, though he knew about the incident wanting to know what the students thought.

“Yes two boys pushed Roshan from backside when he was reading Namaj in the playground under a tree. Roshan got up and again sat down to read Namaj and the boys again pushed him and this time with more force so that Roshan fell on his face and started bleeding from nose. It is then that two other muslim students came to his rescue and we were all afraid that there will be a fight but just in the mean time, Dutta sir intervened and the crowd that had gathered there was dispersed. Then Dutta sir took Roshan with him to the first-aid section. And today through out the day all the students have been talking about it and nothing else but this”.

“And what is it that the students were saying”? Queried Mr. Sahu.

“They say it is Roshan’s fault too to a large extent because he behaved adamantly to sit down for Namaj the second time after being pushed for the first time. And of course Ajay and his friend are at fault for pushing so to make him bleed”.

And what do you say?

“I agreed with my friends, college is a public place, Roshan should not have sat down for Namaj there in the first place”.

“Why didn’t Ajay explain this to Roshan instead of pushing him first.”.

Sofi was silent till now.

“But then Meera, what is wrong in sitting for Namaj in the college ground that you are so much against it, don’t you celebrate Hindu Pujas in the college? Interrupted Sofi.

“That we do every year but no one reads Namaj in the college ground, it was for the first time that Roshan did it, Isn’t it unusual”.

“It may be unusual but it is not wrong. That it was not acceptable to Ajay was because we are not used to the presence of Muslims around us, we have not accepted it in our heart. Somewhere within us there is an aversion towards them.

“Why, I don’t think so, Simran is a good friend of mine, and she is a Muslim. I have nothing against Muslims.”

“You have nothing against Simran because you have never confronted the reality that she is a Muslim, I don’t know what you will feel, if she comes to college wearing a burkha”.

“I won’t like it because in public places, we need to expose our commonality and not our differences.

“Shall we then have it that when we go to market, we will all wear uniforms like in my school so that our differences perish to all possible extent”? Asked Sofi.

“No, I won’t say that, but you take utmost care to wear decent clothes, even beggars try to avoid torn clothes ad burkha, how ugly if looks to cover the beautiful body so hideously!” retorted Meera.

“No, No Meera dear, cloth is but an ornament, Muslim conservatives wear burkha at public places like children wear uniform in shools. You should not be so condescending towards that, it may hurt someone’s sentiment, think if you had said that to Simran, no no you must be more sensitive,” entered Mr. Sahu.

“Sorry Baba, I didn’t mean to be mean but no school will cloth its students so ugly and my heart is not so graceful as yours is and when they make it so apparent that they are different from us, as if in a confrontation to say we are Muslims, we declare and you are not”.

“But then Meera, Meera beneath all clothing aren’t we all the same , the same human beings, depend on your heart than on your eyes and you will never be ungraceful.”

“It is alright uncle, Meera is so young, and there are so many matured and educated people who are so intolerant and we have seen so often that claim to mental wisdom does not pre-require a magnanimous heart. Both side of the border is full of intellectuals of learned men, of God’s people who are so very narrow in their outlook and so very near fanaticism. Our Meera is but a small child”, said Sofi.

“I am not a small child” Meera may loose an argument but certainly shall not be barred from the society of her elders.”

“No, no you are my grand mother,” laughed out Mr. Sahu seeing that his daughter was edgy. The topics could not be abandoned without some concluding remark from Mr. Sahu, so he thought for the benefit of his daughter.

“You see Meera, they say we are idol worshippers, we say they are cow-eaters and a hell of a difference crops up.

But examine a little critically, we all need symbols to remind us of God, be it a Temple, a Masjid or a Church. We don’t just like that remember him, we need be reminded of him through a symbol that inspires reverence in us. God is imperceptible to us mortals. We can not remember him constantly but for the presence of his instruments around us. Hindus go to temples and put an idol inside it — they see it and call it their God with a life who resides inside the temple. But then does he not too reside in our house through idol or the photograph some imaginative devotee has drawn in his reflection. The Muslim gets reminded of his Allah when he sees a crescent and a star. The Christians gets reminded of his God when he sees a cross. All this is to fill our fife with God the almighty who has the supreme power so that he can come to our rescue when we are in trouble. It is the faith we put on him, that gives strength to our but feeble life, the life that has unknown origin and unknown destiny. The relevance, the business we have on this earth becomes apparent to us only owing to this special power it provides a meaning to our life. There is this poem I remember having read somewhere,

Live thy life

Only with yourself

Seeking in you salvation

Suffer the misery if it comes

Your way and face

With adamant courage

And believe but in yourself

To take you out of hell

In times of need

Be there one

Alone this can fill you

With nectar and joy

Make merry and

Be sad if need be

For sorrow too is worth

A throne and feel every corner

Of your heart

In every possible way

And put trust on none but you

For you are alone

You and your feeling

On this earth

Make the best you can

With these two

Sometimes I think, how worldly the poet must be, how ungodly and how stubbornly careless not to worry of anything whatever the circumstances may be. Indeed a brave soul, and indifferent soul, a down to earth forsaken soul, a soul sensitive to all feelings without partiality either to happiness or to sorrow.

But we people are not made of that material. We care for happiness we care for misery and want to come out of suffering and we here we seek a helping hand – The hand of

Bhagawan through our worship

Or Allah through our Namaj

Or God through crossing for Christ.

Inside we are all the same. The premise — the world. Through different histories we are thrown apart in our ways.

Whatever we may call him, in essence he is but

A helping hand in this world

Where we live and die.

And thus Meera dear, have no ill will for those who appear different because born are we equal, die shall we equal” concluded Mr. Sahu, with deep feeling inside him having given expression to his thought so that Meera his daughter may see all as one and one as all.

5

The evening had matured and night was creeping in. Sofi took leave, Meera sat down with her books and Mr Sahu kept staring at the wall for a long time.

That night on her bed Meera kept murmuring born are we equal, die shall we equal, different may be the way of our living in essence we are but human. Simran and me, Roshan and Ajay different may be the thinking, the premise – the world, there will be a day when what confronts us shall be the same what aids us shall be the same and we will be the same in our thinking and our feeling.

It was a special night for Sofi too. Depend upon your heart more than your eyes. What is it that her heart seeks, what is it that her eye sees, how is it that she lives? How had she lived, what lay ahead of her,

“For you are alone

You and your feeling

On this earth

Make the best you can

With these two”

How to achieve this, you and your feeling — make the best of it. What to feel, where to put her reverence, on men of knowledge, or men of words or men of God ,or men of heart or men of wealth or men of looks or men of courage or men bereft and forsaken, suffering. Of all these, there are those that inspire awe and admiration but only one, the last who arouse pity and sympathy, to love these would require a broad outlook and a courage and sensitivity of heart, a feeling that perhaps can be worthy of admiration inside oneself if one cares for liking inside while feeling the outside.

Would she then care for the sorrow in sharing than the joy in perceiving?

Would she then care for going after God himself rather than men of God. Character often sticks to suffering for once character goes, there is high chance suffering too leaves you.

And Sofi was deeply smiling to herself in her sleep.

Sofi woke up at dawn and saw the sun rising in east. It was the month of January and weather was rather cool and the air carried mist Sofi took a chair and sat down amid colorful flowers and greenery in their garden at front of their house. There was even a little breeze and Sofi felt the quiet flow of wind touching her soft skin. She was fresh in her mind and quiet in her heart. She looked at the sun and looked if rising and said silently, may your early rays initiate a lamp in my heart, sweeping the darkness of confusion and indecision and as you rise to fullness and brightest at noon, may I find a way for my life. And the lamp thus glowing in my heart may find brightening and perpetuity through out the evening and through all the nights come all my life”.

Thus starting the day Sofi was cheerful in the morning and scanned the town in her mind. Here lived a people confined to their town territory with varying expanse. There were people ignorant or the outside world and unaware of their history or heritage not even knowing what governed their life and what ruled over their mind. They knew not why they did what they did but followed a routine as they have been doing since times past, the day consisting of engagement in earning a living and completing filled with concerns immediate and mundane. There too have some aware of the happenings in their surrounding but still not bothered by it. Living like it did not matter if it did not affect them immediately. They read the newspaper watched the news on TV but as a passive on looker. They had a view about the world around but would not do anything to participate or play a role in the events around them. No body wanted to influence another for a purpose that was not of mutual concern in an explicitly immediate fashion. The individual lived his life all by himself and all for himself. Sofi being a teacher, had a inclination to correct all wrongs. In her class she taught her students to read a collective life and encouraged the students to become aware of current affairs and be concerned about it and look at it in a way that would involve the larger society in the individual life. When they celebrated the Independence day, she was sweeped by the thought of a time when all the Indian nation had become one with a unifying theme governing the individual consciousness. At that time the people had felt a single thought that bound them as one unit, and from this thought that the Indian nation and taken her birth. By contrast today’s individual had a poverty of mind that limited its reach. Some argued that it is because at that time whole of India had a single enemy — the British and that united people to create a single society. Today society is fragmented in a multitude of ways. Different religions, different villages, different professions, different individuals. It is only a very few people who could see that there is one thing that unites all these people system, political system, economic system, social system. And an enemy that can unite the people of our age. The disease that affects these systems.

If one wants to unite people of this age, Sofi thought then the individual has to understand that he is important part and in a significant participant in the system that governs them. The disease that effects the system is slowly moth-eating the society and will soon cripple it. Then nothing would function properly. This has to be made injected into the blood of individual. Only then would he rise to the occasion of collective effort. It is not that there is no collective effort. It is not that there is no collective life existing currently. There are the political parties that bicker over minor matters in the public and the real issues that matter to people are negotiated indoor and by such people whose loyality to the society of human as a whole is highly questionable. Sofi understood that there are problems and there needs to be done something about it. But what to do? How to do? Who will do it? Sofi was now cycling through the mid town. She turned her cycle towards the town slum.

Here is it. The dirt. The filth. The symptoms of the disease. In human living conditions, unhygienic life, scattered people who do not know what binds them other then their placement in the neighborhood. Here are people who do not cry because they are used to misery. Lack of food, lack of health, lack of education, lack of society, lack of effort to be more fortunate. Who will initiate and collect their effort?

The sun was at top.

I will do it. I have to do it. I can do it. Sofi had found a purpose for her life. I am a teacher, I will teach people to cry when they are in misery and I will teach them to find who else is crying like them and to wipe each others tear.

Sofi had tears in her eyes.

I have to find who else is crying like me. I have to find who else is suffering like me and make them cry.

We will march together we will teach each other to feel for each other.

There was a light glowing in her heart. The disease that is afflicting me, which makes me cry, I will make it contagious and form an epidemic.

Let the human society suffer from being human.

Let this suffering annihilate all other suffering.

Sofi recognized the urge inside her as the urge to le To lead ignorant towards awareness to lead passive complacent heart towards active burning desire to act. To lead individual efforts to get collected and become united in favor of humanity.

Let the voice of humanity be heard by everyone. As her first disciple, Sofi was the first to listen to her hearts cry for humanity.

6

Tapan. Tapan was outgoing. He liked to watch cricket, movies , news and participated in college song competition. He also liked to play a role in cultural programs held for annual day in the college. An extrovert he was. He went for jogging in the morning, had his breakfast and went to college to spend time with his friends even if he did not have a class. And they gossiped about all sorts of things other than about studies. Studies was important only when there is an exam he had formed a group along his college mates who always went around together in the evenings they played cricket in the college ground. The atmosphere was most intense when there was a cricket match between India and Pakistan. Tapan was a fan of Indian team and always defended the players even if India lost a match. His other group mates were all not like that, some became quite angry when India lost a match and criticized the team most severely. We don’t have the aggressive passion against the Pakistanis, that the Pakistanis have towards us. And when they heard that there has spurt a riot in some Muslim dominated sensitive areas in India when Pakistan won a match, and the Muslims celebrates Pakistan’s victory with crackers and band, their blood boiled. And an anti Muslim sentiment recruited many adherents. The Hindu-Muslim conflict had already surfaced from its dormant state in the Indian psyche with the BJP’s propaganda for building the Ram temple in Ayodhya. Since partition it was at this juncture that the Hindu Muslim conflict became so intense. Even during the wars between India and Pakistan, the internal atmosphere in India had not become so polarized. Communalism come to the forefront of politics and secular anti-secular divide became a part of National main stream politics with BJPs rise as a national party. A fresh bunch of children matured to youth with this conflict shaping their mind. There were some politicians who appeared to the public to remain away from communal divide and vote for their party which had a secular ideology. Congress, Janatadal and Left Parties were in this group. On the other hand BJP was perceived as a party tilted towards Hindu’s, in spite of their claim to being a really secular party. Those Hindus who had an anti-Muslim sentiment whole heartedly supported BJP and voted for it. For the other issues that influenced the voting sentiment were development, corruption, lawless-ness and social identity or caste politics. Many small parties were completely representing some castes and the people of some caste voted as a unit for the parties. Representing their interest.

But election politics was different from post election politics. After elections were over each political party behaved in a way that was not always for the benefit of the populace. Tapan and his friends had grown up against this back drop. They had already attained an age when they were eligible for voting, and the responsibility for choosing a party weighed on them. The Indian voters were as a whole, disillusioned with the political parties and the politicians and they voted on whim as the mood became after the election rhetoric and after considering the failure of the current party in power. These middle class youths wanted rapid industrialization so that jobs shall be created. They were aware of governmental inefficiency and wanted the private sector corporate to take lead to develop the country. They welcomed foreign investment to construct industries. This was a time when most new jobs were created in the information technology sector in which India is the global player.

But there were also some who with the influence of Dutta Sir, were opposed to the existence of large corporates. Like a big fish eats away smaller fishes the Big corporate close down small businesses which cannot compete considering the financial muscle of the big corporate. And it is the small business which had the potential to create more jobs, thus as the efficiency to produce grew more and more, less and less people were required to be deployed for production.

Dutta Sir gave the example of the ball pen industry, earlier one did not know what brand of pen one was using as long as the pen wrote. But now with brands like Reynolds and Cello coming to the market, almost every student used pens of one such big brand. The other small pen manufactures were out of business. Whether it is a good thing to happen or not, Dutta Sir did not say. But this happened and is happening in most other industries.

Tapan being a student of Botany, had learned a little about the state of agriculture and the issues of the farmers. With the advancement of Bio-technology, new hybrid seeds had come to the market which was high yielding. The hybrid seeds when grew to become plants required more fertilizer and pesticide to survive and give crop. Use of large amount of chemicals reduced the fertility of the soil. The next year the farming required more chemicals for same yield. And the farm economy required more and more input. And such agro-economy was encouraged by the input manufacturers who managed to extract large profits from this. They lobbied with the government to push farmers for such type of agricultural practice. Some small farmers who borrowed and used high yielding input so that they can reap rich harvest were constantly prying so that there should not be a crop failure. And when some times there was a crop failure, on not being able to repay the loan they had procured from the money lenders they committed suicide. Farmer’s suicide had become an ordinary news and not many frowned at such news any longer.

One who went through the current affairs magazines sometimes learned how the individual farmer’s life is integrated with events and occurrences happening in the international arena. How the whole world was becoming a single economy where what happened in one part of world affected the people half- a- world apart on the other side of the Globe. Adam Smith had imagined an ideal market economy where every participant participated equaly at the market place to buy or sell commodities. Only the invisible hand of the market through interaction between demand and supply determined price and regulated production and consumption. But Adam Simth’s free market with perfect competition condition is an illusion that never existed. There is always someone who has a upper hand in the global trade of goods and services. Initially starting from sixteenth century onwards it was a few countries of Western Europe who determined international commerce. Starting from rise of USA as a global player, it is US which determined world trade. In the twentieth century it is the golden triangle of European Union – US-Japan which accounted for a large part of international trade. But because of the military might of the US and with the collapse of the Soviet Union as an opponent of US, the world has become uni-polar and it is a particularly the US which dictates terms in the world market. Though there is a regulatory body like WTO to regulate international trade, in reality it is the US which decides what is to be the regulation.

In agriculture too, the western developed countries give a large amount of subsidy to their farmers so that their farmers become globally competitive and release large stocks to world market which reduce international price for farm produce and the farmers of under developed countries can not economically produce agricultural products to sell. Of course they can still continue to practice subsistence economy.

Tapan read these things from the magazines but his mind was not sufficiently developed to comprehend what he read. Since Tapan was now in the final year of his graduation, he was always advised to concentrate on his studies so that he can obtain a good percentage. But Tapan’s interest lay elsewhere. He was not much interested in science. He wanted to learn about people. Though he was a science student since intermediate, he studied science purely because of academic compulsion. After finishing intermediate, when he told his father Mr. Mohanty that he wanted to study Arts, Mr. Mohanty was annoyed. There is no future in arts he said. And even Mr. Sahu their neighbor advised Tapan to continue in science stream since there is a good future there and it is easy to get a job if one did some professional course say in Bio-technology and then in Bio-informatics. Tapan’s heart rebelled, but silently. He knew that there was grater demand for science students as far as job’s are concerned. But as a subject Botany and its companion subject Zoology and chemistry repelled him. He was never interested in science as a subject since science dealt with facts which required not much creativity. And Tapan wanted to be creative. He never believed in attaining at truth through logical arguments. He would rather contemplate and create a beautiful piece of imagination , when they studied plants, he would rather appreciate the existence of green plants making a beautiful scenery then try to understand how the plant functioned as a living being. He would marvel at how a large tree grew out of a small seed planted and wonder what power it is the life that makes such growth automatic. The juxtaposition of living and non-living constituting our world interested Tapan’s imagination and he grew almost poetic in his vision of the nature around him. How ugly it is to dissect life and to try to understand its constituents and how beautiful it is to perceive life as a whole and appreciate its occurrence as a piece of artistic creation.

Human beings attracted Tapan, like he was repelled by botany, he also loathed medical science. He could never appreciate the study of parts of human body rather he would look at the whole of the human being as a unit and study how one behaved under different situations. Violence interested Tapan. How can a man be so cruel as to hurt another man with so much hatred! Hatred! What other than this can make one behave so brutally? It is courageous to face an adverse situation with confidence that one can survive through, today even with our advanced civilization courage and bravery often means brutish savagery, it so often means to be able to harm and hurt another with indifference at heart.

A man who presses a button to blast a bomb, hundreds of kilometers away dies not know what he has done, so much away is he from his doing, that he may go to sleep with out a prick at his conscience. And compare him to a man who with a sword cuts another man to bleed in front of his eyes, how proximate he is to his doing and if he does not too bleed from his heart, how savage he must be.

Science has facilitated man to be cruel without his knowing it. Man has become a brute without his knowledge because he is so much away from his doing. He does not know what horror he causes. No human being who has been cultured in a civil society can be so indifferent to the violence being caused in the world, if he were aware of it. Tapan wanted man to know how vile he is, how degraded his morality has become, how fallen his values and all this without his knowledge. Only one thing can cure him, expose him, tell him what he is doing, show him the blood he has caused shed. Let him know the orphans he has made, let him be proximate to his doing. Because there is so much bloodshed, so much violence in today’s world that no sane human should go to sleep peacefully.

War caused bravery to be displayed courage to be exhibited. It also causes wounds to be suffered, misery to be endured. Tapan loathed wars. There can be no just war, there can be no just suffering, there can be no just violence.

When Tapan learned of the havoc in the college ground causing Roshan to bleed because of Ajay, he immediately prepared a write up and sent to the local news paper explaining how intolerance has taken root in our youth’s mind. Such incidents are the seeds that have the potential to grow into big plants in the form of communal riots and thus they need to be checked. Tapan’s write up was published in the next day’s news paper.

Everybody was criticizing college students for using violence against a Muslim boy when it could have been avoided. The principal was called by the college management committee and he had to explain that the boys were warned and such misbehavior will not be allowed to repeat inside the campus. Everybody at the college wanted to know who had leaked the news to the newspaper. The principal found out that it was Tapan who had written the news. Tapan was rushed into the principal’s office.

“Why did you write to a news paper about our internal matter when we could ourselves handle the issue,” he demanded to know.

“Because sir, I thought it is a news — that shows a trend in our psychology and it should be talked about” said Tapan.

“But we have already warned Ajay and he has regretted his behavior, and even if after that you wanted to write to a newspaper, why did you not take any permission before sending it”?

“I did not think it necessary, sir”.

“Look Tapan, first you embarrass the college in front of the whole town and then you behave so arrogantly with me, it is only regrettable your behavior”

“If we do wrong, we need to be embarrassed for it sir, and please understand, it is for the betterment of the college that I did it”.

“You may leave”, the principal said angrily knowing well that he cannot do anything about the issue, Tapan cannot be punished for his behavior. Instead Ajay was suspended from college for a week.

Now it was common news that Tapan had given the news to the news paper. Some students appreciated Tapan but the College union members were all angry with Tapan and warned him against entertaining outsiders in college matter. There was a divide in opinion among students. Suddenly it dawned upon Tapan that the incident itself was not being discussed in the college any longer, now they talked of its being leaked to a newspaper. And Tapan was at the center of controversy. Tapan’s group mates were apprehensive that he may be assaulted by those students who were angry with him for his deed. But Tapan was not afraid, “I have done the right thing and one should not be afraid to do right things”.

At home when Mr. Mohanty learned about the incident, he did not approve of Tapan. Only Sofi thought Tapan had done the right thing, but she was aware of the danger that accompanied such boldness. When Tapan came home in the evening, he was received quietly.

Seeing an opportune moment, Mr. Mohanty called Tapan and said, “I expect you to concentrate on studies, now that you are in the final year, you must get a good percentage and it is a time to make your future. You need not distract yourself by getting involved in college matters”.

“We all have our responsibility towards ourselves bapa but that does not absolve us from our duty towards our society.”

“But nobody else did anything what made you singled out to do such a thing that might put you in trouble”?

“It is because nobody else did it that I had to do it”.

“You are talking as if you have done a heroic thing, it is not greatness but foolishness to invite trouble”.

“I am not inviting trouble but if trouble comes in the way of doing the right things. I guess I cannot avoid it”.

“I don’t want to argue with you, it seems you have made up your mind and are bent upon bringing trouble to all of us. In any case I think you know that if you didn’t get first division you cannot get a seat in Bio-technology and if you don’t, your future shall have been spoiled”.

“I don’t want to do Bio-technology”.

“What, what do you mean, if you don’t want to do Bio-technology, then what else you want to do?

“I don’t know, but I don’t want to pursue science any longer”.

Mr. Mohanty was taken aback. There is some thing wrong with this boy, all the family’s hope rested on his becoming successful in life and here he is, making a crack at the foundation.

“What will you do then, if you don’t pursue science, will you become a journalist moving here and there, like a vagabond.”

“I had not thought of that, but that, but that is not a bad idea, I will consider it, and journalism is a prestigious profession, I don’t find anything wrong with it” said Tapan, as it dawned upon him that indeed, he might as well as go for journalism, since he was interested in current affairs, he may relish the profession.

Sofi seeing that father and son had come to a stage of confrontation, intervened and said , “why give so much importance to a minor matter, Tapan is just not in a good mood bapa, he will understand your point, we need to give him time, one does not decide once future so hastily”. And the mater rested there.

It had not occurred to Tapan that he may pursue a career as a journalist. But now that he thought of it, he was very near to making up his mind in favor of it”. An idealistic fervor ran through his blood and he was experiencing a delight. Writing for people, communicating with people, if only he had a chance, how much he wanted to say, to the people, to those people who did not listen, who had become passive and were sleeping with comfort that everything was alright but everything was not alright, he had to arouse these people from their unconcerned slumber and show them the real picture of society. What a responsible work, what a challenging job. All the excitement that was dormant inside him seemed to find a channel to come out. At last he was at peace with himself. The pain he had experienced while having to study science the morbid and dull subject, all of that was shaking him now- you have a route to escape from us. Indeed having to do what one did not want to do, sheer pain. Sheer violence. No more of it. Now he will study science only to get a pass mark. After that freedom. He will go where he liked, he will do what he liked.

But what about money? What about earning? What about making a living? He cannot leave on air, inside his ideological castle, he will have to earn a living. He has to become a professional journalist, work for some newspaper. He has to work for a pay. He has to write what is readable. He has to write what people liked to read. Another bondage.

But one has to accept a package, nothing comes free. OK, I will write what you would like to read, oh people, my patron, but I will mix with it my heart’s yearning, my eyes insight and I will show you yourself like a mirror.

7

When Tapan was so taking a decision about his future, Mr. Mohanty too was thinking of their conversation in the evening. The more he thought of it, the more disturbed he was becoming. Was it a wrong decision, to put Tapan into science graduation when he had wanted to go for Arts? Is it that Tapan never liked science quite much and if so, how as his father he could not know of it, this bothered Mr. Mohanty. He never believed in compelling his children for doing anything against their wish, but in this case, he must have made a mistake. But which father does not want his son to go for a brighter future and science did offer promise and Tapan was an intelligent boy, everything matched but that it was Tapan’s life, he has to suffer the consequences of their mutual decision. It is just that Mr. Mohanty did not think much of studying a subject of one’s choice. He never gave much priority to likes and dislikes. He just thought where a brighter path lay there one should go. In his own life Mr. Mohanty had practiced that. Studied till the age of twenty one, gave competitive exams one by one, seeking a job in any occupation, succeed after a struggle of three years , stuck to that job till retirement and lived now on the pension. All his life he had only one want, to be unable to maintain his family in good shape. To be able to fulfill their daily requirements. And this he did in a virtuous way, he had never to practice means he did not approve of. At office he did what was wanted of him with sincerity and took his pay at the end of the month. At home, he sometimes helped his children with their studies till they were in school. At leisure he studied books from here and there. This consisted his life. He never wanted more then he could get. And lived on what he got. Always telling his wife to meet ends with whatever lay within their reach. Never to exceed or go beyond the limit. From him all his children had learned economy. They too never demanded more than what was offered to them. Always limited to their capacity. Their life was one of harmony — but till now; Paro was married and away; Sofi engaged in a school; Tapan showing signs of disturbance.

Wanting something not in resonance with norm was new to Mr. Mohanty. If you could attain a brighter future by studying science, then you should study science. That much Mr. Mohanty understood. What is this then, wanting to become a journalist when one could become a scientist with, much higher social status?

And then the visitor’s question which, had disturbed him a few days back, came back to his mind.

What is the goal of your life?

So life needs a goal!

Indeed people, some people at least have goals. Arjuna and Karna both wanted to become the best archers of their time. But only one can become that, thus one ought to become a failure. That is what competition is? Competition produces few successes, and many failures. What happens to the failed ones? How do they feel? Do they reconcile with their fate? And Mr. Mohannty remembered from “Bhagabat Gita,”

“Do your karma oh Arjuna, leave the result to me.”

Act as you must but don’t be desirous of the fruits of your action. But for this, there would be so much resentment, so much dissatisfaction, so much sorrow so much anguish, because there is bound to be failures when there are wants. There is bound to be failures when there is desire, so don’t be desirous of the fruits of your actions and you will not be frustrated.

In this way alone there can be harmony in this world.

This also Lord Buddha had said, desire produces suffering, thus be detached from this world. But Krishna shows a path when you could want also and refrain from wanting too. Wanting to do the right action but refrain for, wanting the result there from.

With this thought in his mind, Mr Mohanty decided not to come in the way of Tapan, let him want his way, let him pursue his way, what man can change the fate of another and what man has the right to make another suffer and away from he want too. Wanting and pursuing and suffering there from, if it is to come is better than being compelled to do or act against one’s wish and suffer in so doing.

8

At about this time, there was another soul silently thinking with intense feeling just in the adjacent house and that was Meera. That night sleep eluding Meera too. That day morning Meera’s eyes sought Simran out in the college and accosted her.

“Simran,” Meera called out.

“Yes Meera, what is it,” asked Simran

“Simran, don’t mind because of what I am about to say, and I am saying this because we are friends, say please that you will not mind,” entreated Meera.

“Oh you do not have to make such an issue. You can surely bare your heart in front of me,” said Simran.

“Simran, my father says we are quite the same, you and me, Hindus and Muslims, do you agree with that, I did not think so in the beginning but now I believe it. We all the human beings are the same within.”

“Oh don’t start an argument, of course we are different, you are a Hindu and I am a Muslim, how can we be same? I hope you do not want to say that you want to become a Muslim or you want to convert me to become a Hindu!” exclaimed Simran.

“No, no it is not that, we are same but as we were raised differently we have become different and this difference is elusive; inside we are the same”, said Meera trying to explain herself.

“If we are same, can you make yourself eat beef as we do?” challenged Simran.

“No, no, I cannot eat beef, and even you should not because you see cows are such beautiful animals, they provide us with milk and they are so friendly” Meera was arguing a lost case.

“But you can make yourself eat swan meat, a swan — a beautiful bird how then do you eat its meat?” Simran was ruthless.

“I cannot eat beef because I am raised with reverence for cows and not because of any particular difference with Muslims, say if you were raised in a Hindu family after being born onto a Muslim family could you so coldly have taken beef for your food?”

“I don’t know about that; that is a hypothetical case, why don’t you ask Roshan, he has read a lot of books and is more informed then us” said Simran seeing a point in Meera’s argument.

Then both of them searched out Roshan and invited him to their discussion. Simran explained him about their dilemma and asked what he thought about the issue.

“Both of you are right,” declared Roshan “we were same when we were born, but now we have become different.”

“Can’t we all become the same again,” appealed Meera.

“We can, but what is the need, as long as we live peacefully with warm regards towards each other, indeed we can peacefully co-exist with all our difference. It is our intolerance, Meera it is because we want others to become like us that all this conflicts are raised. Why should all humans be alike, let there be differences, why make an issue out of it? said Roshan trying to make his mind clear.

“Why did you sit for Namaz that day on the college ground?” asked Meera more out of curiosity than to make any point.

“It is because I am accustomed to see Hindus around me and I want my Hindu friends to become accustomed to see Muslims like me around them so that the difference is not diluted but the world become more colorful with our juxtaposition it is because there is so much we can leave from each other without compromising our differences. By ignoring each other, we also ignore hundred’s of years rich thinking when it is just near us, we become ignorant. At the same time whenever we become aware of our differences we detest each other. By being aware of our presence around each other, we become not only tolerant but also appreciative of each other. And that should be our aim,” explained Roshan.

Meera was impressed by what Roshan said. “You seem to have such high thinking, that I intend to learn more form you Roshan” said Meera.

Since that time Meera had been reflecting on what Roshan said. Since anyway she was not being able to sleep with these thoughts crowding her mind, she got from her bed and sat down to write her mind in her note-book where she usually wrote passages from mind.

“Roshan says it is possible for different people to co-exist in harmony without coming into conflict with each other. The one condition for this is however that we should not seek to make others like ourselves, to follow the same path that we are following. But is it possible, when one of the basic tenet of some religions is to try to spread and preach one’s religion and try to convert peoples of other religions to one’s religion, this is where the conflict arises. The missionary zeal of ones religion collides with another religion, while trying to convert and uplift another to ones own path. It is natural that one feels ones own religion or religious practice is better than other religions and in this way, one trys to teach others ones own religion.

The only solution to this is the belief that there are many paths to god and my path is only one of them, or “Sarva Dharma Sambhava”. We have to adopt this liberal approach to religion. Through exposure if someone wants to get converted, he is the owner of his path. But let all initiative to convert perish because wanting to convert harms harmony and co-existence.”

Peace was coming back to Meera’s mind when she gave expression to her path and with calmness she slept, intending to share her thought with Sofi, the next morning. Early next morning Meera finished her mornings ablution and went to Sofi next door to show her the passage.

Sofi read with interest and thought for some time and said,

“This is true Meera that we should not try to influence others as far as religion is considered and this only can bring harmony to our world, we should respect and appreciate all religions.

But don’t take from this that we should never try to influence another. The simplest and most common place where one influences another is a school. Don’t I everyday influence my students to become better informed, to think higher thoughts or simply to learn and learn better ways?

And because everyone does not go to school, or also that no one ever learns everything at school, that education is a continuous process. We keep learning till we die. And this should not stop. If learning does not stop, can teaching stop? Can we banish influencing? My answer is an emphatic NO. The other day I decided that we need to do something for the unfortunate poor people of our town. Should I not teach generosity to the rich? Should I not teach sympathy, concern and feeling for the poor and destitute? Should we not teach the weak to aspire to be strong, to the strong not to exploit the weak?

Social values, morality and ethics need to be spread.

And there is a major overlapping between ethics and religion.

How to teach ethics aside from religion?

But however it is, we need to do it this way only, particularly in a plural society.”

Sofi stopped, trying to figure out if Meera was on the same wavelength.

“I fully agree with you,” said Meera enthusiastically, “I am learning for the first time that you want to do something for the poor of our town, if I can help in anyway, you need only to tell me.”

“I will, currently I am myself thinking how to approach the problem,” answered Sofi.

9

Sofi discussed her ideas of social work with her parents and said that she wants to go to their town slum to work for the poor. First she was confronted with resistance, many said, what can you do when there are political parties, non-governmental organizations and the administration it self, not being able to do anything.

Sofi knew that her first battle lay in her home, if she can overcome their resistance, she would have gone quite a way.

It took her more than a week to convince at home that she should be allowed to work for the poor in the town slum in a way that should not create any trouble for herself. She was told strictly that wherever she went, she should take Tapan with her.

Tapan agreed gladly, thinking that the expedition with Sofi might give him material for writing for a newspaper.

Thus began Sofi and Tapan’s journey . First Sofi arranged a street cleaning program using her school children on a Sunday. The school headmaster gladly permitted Sofi this and even said they can do this exercise regularly which will get their school good name in the town.

As Sofi was supervising the cleaning process, she took care to find out who all were the people living in the dilapidated neighborhood. She found that all the inhabitants were daily mazdoors working for construction work or vegetable vendors. There were also some who were little better off by virtue of their jobs in some private office in some small capacity as peons or chaprasis, these people were also educated to some extent.

By the third time Sofi was conducting the cleaning exercise, she was already known by the people in the neighborhood as teacher didi, who had come to help them. They inquired the where-about of Sofi and got to know that she had come to them by her own personal initiative and not through some organization, this gave Sofi two types of publicity, one positive and one negative. The positive part was that some were impressed by her initiative and interest in the life of poor and her concern for the unhealthy environment in which these slum people lived, these people even started to keep their garbage at one place and handed it over to the cleaning children on the Sundays. The negative part was that some finding that Sofi was alone in her capacity, understood that nothing much is to be gained from her financially because she is not associated with the government or any charitable Organization. These people dismissed Sofi as not useful to them and ignored her.

Sofi found that there were two types of waste disposables, one solid and the other liquid. For the solid disposables, providing dust bins one each for four or five houses and regular cleaning of these dustbins will take care of the matter. But for liquid waste disposables, sewage canals must be provided which will run continuously through the streets and get deposited at the end at some drainage. Sofi realized that this will require resources and cooperation from the people living there. For constructing the infrastructure, Sofi decided to go to the town municipality and seek help. She prepared an application and submitted personally to the executive officer if the municipality, who promised he will do something about it. But since the expenditure by the municipality depended on the recommendation by the ward members or town municipality counselors, he advised Sofi to get in touch with the concerned local counselor and ask him to process the request.

Sofi came back from the executive officer with the next obstacle in her path. She realized that she was an outsider for the area for which she was working and unless the local people were aware and demanded their development, nothing would get done.

Through her visits to the slum area, she had become friendly with some of the inhabitants. Rabi the vegetable vendor and kamala the woman who worked in three or four houses in the town as maid servant were particularly appreciative of Sofi. Sofi called on them and explained to them of the issue and requested that all residents of the neighborhood should meet at one place to discuss the problem. Rabi said this can be arranged if they went from house to house and invited all for a meeting. Kamala agreed and promised to cooperate and spread the matter among the woman.

So it was arranged and all agreed to meet on a Sunday at five o’clock in the evening. Sofi was excited because it would be her first public meeting, she was convinced that if she can unite these people once, her task of uniting people for their own purpose would become much easier.

About twenty people attended the meeting. About thirty families were invited and sixty people were expected s it was a bit of a disappointment, but it was the first meeting so to expect a lot from it would not be quite appropriate Sofi wanted to do the best with what she had got.

Sofi was formally introduced to the attendees by Rabi though she was quite known to all. Rabi told them that Sofi had come particularly to help the neighbourhood to live a more healthy life and would like to speak so them. Then he invited Sofi to speak.

Sofi started by saying that if we do not keep our environment clean, life becomes unhygienic and many diseases afflict us . Thus to avoid diseases it is of paramount importance to clean our environment and keep it clean. This initiative pays off as later we don’t have to spend much on medicines. Clean environment means we will be free from mosquito’s and insects, which will avoid malaria the most common disease.

Then she explained how she thought that dustbins should be put and regularly cleaned. She went on to explain about the liquid disposables and how a sewage system was necessary which exists in most other streets of the town. If such infrastructure was to be built in this slum, all have to unite and appeal to the municipality through the ward member whom they had elected to represent them at the municipality. Thus a team from among them must call upon the ward member for getting his initiative for the mentioned purpose.

Saying this, Sofi wanted to know the reaction of the silent people she had been addressing and it came as a big applause and it seemed that Sofi was accepted by the people as one of their own. They agreed with Sofi. Rabi was chosen as their representative who will go to the ward member and it was decided another big meeting will be called and the ward member will be invited to that meeting and apprised of the issue he would then be asked to take the issue to the municipality executive body. The gathered people departed after thanking Sofi for her initiative.

Then while Sofi and Tapan who was only a silent spectator of the whole process were coming back by walk to their house, Sofi was thrilled at heart on her first success but cautiously for she knew not how far her scheme will be realized. She told Tapan that they would celebrate only when the sewage system was built and not before that. Sofi kept in touch with Rabi. True to his words he got in touch with the concerned counselor and requested him to convene a meeting to discuss the issue of sanitation in the Chakijan street, for that is the name by which the concerned neighbourhood was called. The ward member whose name was Baria Nayak initially was reluctant as he took the initiative shown by Sofi as an intrusion by an outsider in his territory. He said, first he would like to discuss the matter with Sofi since she was the first to start the issue. It was arranged by Rabi that Sofi would meet Baria Nayak. Sofi visited him at his residence and was received with proper hospitality. Baria said he was appreciative of her initiative and would do everything possible by him and indeed a meeting of the people was not necessary. Sofi insisted that the people of Chakijan were actually expecting an address by their chosen representative and also it would be an opportunity for Baria to make public contact. If Baria convenes a meeting, it would also formally be his initiative to take up and initiate the project so the credit would go to him, which is only proper.

Baria Nayak understood and was convinced that he should call the meeting and since people were bent on it, which he had found out through his own sources, he thought the matter was unavoidable.

The meeting was called, Sofi was invited as a guest and was thanked for her interest in the area, about forty people attended the meeting; Baria Nayak made a public commitment for building a drain in the street, and also to construct five cement dust bins at regular intervals. But the process would take time and people need to keep patience with the administration.

Till then everything had gone well and Sofi came home with optimism for the project. But she will have to wait. She did not sit quiet, she started a literacy campaign for the women of Chakijan street. She was in regular contact with the people out there. The school children who used to go to clean the street were replaced by a team of people from the inhabitants themselves. The people should not expect outsiders for what in reality is their own job- Sofi explained them.

10

At home Mr. Mohanty was worried about Sofi, she had attained and had gone quite ahead of marriageable age. Their search for a groom was without result. Sofi’s marriage was a daily topic of conversation at their home.

Sofi was not willing to commit for marriage. Which man would keep me at his house. When I would be going out to work for the people she asked. She did not want to lead a life confined to home. And she would make that clear from before-hand to whoever came to talk of marriage, she declared. Her parents tried to convince her that a woman’s pride lay in remaining confined to her family and her home. She should relish married life and settle down with husband and children. Sofi differed. My life is not like any body’s life, it is my life and I should be allowed to do what so ever I want to do with it she insisted.

As time passed by the Mohanty’s worries become more intense. Tapan appeared for his final year exam. He said be had done well. Paro had already been married for two years. It was then that they received the good news that Paro was to be a mother. She would come home for delivery. All were expectant for her home coming as the family would again reunite. Mrs. Mohanty was counting days. When Paro comes only she can convince Sofi for marriage thought Mrs.Mohanty.

Tapans results were declared. He had passed but could not get first class. But at least he had passed and Mr. Mohanty was relieved. What this boy will do with his life only he knew. And Tapan knew exactly what he wanted from his life. He wanted to be a journalist. He approached the editor of Dainik Asha — a daily newspaper and applied to become their district correspondent. He was familiar with the politics and society of the district he claimed in his application. He was called for interview.

At heart Tapan was feeling high degree of anxiety. He desperately wanted the job. It is not the pay package but the profession that he longed for. He had never appeared for an interview so he was worried at heart.

Sofi tried to comfort him by saying that he was intelligent and was passionate about the work, if he did not know some thing, he would learn it, it was not the end but only a beginning, there will be many more challenging occasions and he only needs to think positively. Optimism takes one to half way through the goal. What is needed is confidence and a belief in one’s capability. This prepared Tapan for his interview.

The interview was to be held at Bhubaneswar — the headquarter of Dainik asha. Sofi said she would accompany Tapan, which will keep him in good humor. Reluctantly Mr. Mohanty conceded. Brother and Sister had united and both felt Tapan should heed to his heart’s calling.

Two days prior to the day of interview, Tapan and Sofi boarded train for Bhubaneswar at the night 9o’clock in the night. Early next morning they rented a hotel. From the station Tapan had bought a current affairs magazine. He kept reading that all through the day.

None of them knew what would be asked at the interview. Be confident and most like yourself Sofi told Tapan, if you deserve the Job you will get it. The interview was fixed for 11o’clock the next day. Sofi and Tapan visited the “Lingraj” temple and prayed that Tapan get the Job.

The wait came to an end when the next day Tapan and Sofi started for the awaited occasion at 9o’ clock, a little early, to get acquainted with the area around the office.

The building stood lonely inside a dry, barren surrounding around it. It looked as dilapidated as a house in Chakijan street. Clearly the outside wall was not white washed since many years. There were cracks running along and it seemed the building stood old and left out without life inside. If not for the big sign board at the front one would not think, the building housed a state level news paper editorial office. In any case there was the sign board and call letter inside Tapan’s shirt pocket made if apparent that Tapan would be welcome inside. “How many people may be there at the interview board” Tapan asked knowing fully well that Sofi would not have an answer.

“May be two, may be three, you will soon find out, let us enter the building and if there is provision for a waiting place we should make ourselves comfortable there” said Sofi.

The inside of the building was equally bright and busy as the outside had been gloomy and lonely. There was a lady at a desk in the front room.

Tapan said he had an interview with the editor at 11o’clock and asked if there were any more candidates who might be interviewed along with him! The receptionist talked over phone apparently with the editor and asked the visitors to wait in the adjoining room until 11 ‘o’ clock. She showed Sofi and Tapan the next room and said that at 11 ‘o’ clock she will herself come and accompany the concerned gentleman to the editor’s office.

There was half an hour to kill. Sofi and Tapan settled down on two chairs. There was no body else in that room but through the door it could be seen that there was a lot of activities going on. It was a busy time and there was from time to time sound of people talking to each other.

“It seems you are the only one called for interview today,” said Sofi.

“Yes, it is because they are responding to my application and there was no declaration of vacancy from their side and so no one else has applied,” Tapan whispered, wondering what bearing it might have on his chances of being selected.

“Hope for the best” returned Sofi perhaps thinking in the same line.

True to her words, the receptionist came sharply at 11o’clock and asked Tapan to follow her. Sofi gave him a smile to instill confidence in him that everything will be alright.

The editor’s office was just three rooms away along the corridor.

“You may go in, he is expecting you” said the receptionist pointing out to the open door of a spacious room as it seemed from outside.

“May I come in Sir?” asked Tapan formally taking one step into the room.

The room seemed empty, a big table was kept at the centre with a lot of books and newspapers mounted one above the other. If there was somebody behind those wall of books, he was invisible.

For sometime there was no answer.

Tapan evaluated the room. There were photographs of great leaders of our freedom struggle on all the walls around and below these there were maps of world, India and Orissa hanging on the walls. Then there were blue clothed boards where cutting s from news papers were put on with pins. The room was shabby and one could call unclean, that told .Tapan that no body cared or bothered to clear dust from the walls and the floor. There were four chairs facing the table. There was a sofa on the right side on the left side there was a filter kept on a stool with two glasses on it.

“Tapan Mohanty” called out a hoarse voice from behind the pile of books, “please come in” and a man with uncombed hair and beard grown for lack of shaving since weeks stood up from the other side of the table. The Man’s face was serious and lined from age and experience.

He then removed a pile of books from the centre of the table and kept above the right side pile of books. Now Tapan could see his upper half. He had worn a cotton shirt with his second button missing and his shirt pocket contained three pens and a pencil.

“My name is Prabhat, as you must be knowing from my letter to you, please take a seat here in the middle so that we can see each other while we are talking, and don’t mind the other books that are not in our way, let them be there.”

Tapan approached the man and as he had already sat down in his chair, without offering his hand, sat down on the chair in front of him.

“I won’t need your introduction which you have already mentioned in your application. We will talk about something else, ok” said Prabhat with a questioning look in his eyes.

“As you wish Sir” replied Tapan.

“Tell me then young man, what you know about the life of a Journalist, you can simultaneously explain, why, you want to lead that life, since being young and a fresh graduate, there are several avenues open for you.

“A Journalist keeps a vigilant eye on the society and informs the general public about any information they need to know to help them become responsible citizens of the country and I want to take up this role” and Tapan stopped.

“Even for your age, you are much concise Tapan, please go on and keep speaking I want to hear more from you, we have to fill all our sixteen pages right? Said Prabhat sternly.

“A Journalist reports everything that is not in order and not in harmony with the society he should guard the morality and values of the society and when man falls from his stature, it is the Journalist who exposes this so that the future of society is relieved from this corruption”. I want to work as a journalist because I am familiar with the issues facing us and the problems afflicting us that is moth eating the society, the whole path that our leaders are taking is not in the right direction.

“And how will you check the degrading morality of the society?” interrupted Prabhat.

“By exposing corruption, violence and exploitation.”

“Which subject most interests you Tapan.”

“Violence.”

“And where all violence is occurring?”

“We are facing violence because of Naxalites, who attack anybody who is rich and also those poor who they think are not supporting them. In addition the police resorts to violence when they think somebody is supporting the Naxalites. It is the ordinary people who get crushed from both sides.”

“And will you report on these activities Tapan?”

“Yes I will Sir.”

“What will you do if you do not get a job from us Tapan?

“I will apply to other newspapers and magazines, I will also start freelence reporting.”

“Why will you not go for some training in the software field where there is an abundance of jobs and opportunities?”

“Because that does not interest me Sir.”

“Why don’t you go for doing M Sc..?”

“That too does not interest me Sir.”

Prabhat was getting restless. Visibly he was disturbed, it showed on his face. He was a man, whose heart showed on his face, just as a newspaper should show of society.

“You should be aware that you are inviting trouble young man” enunciated Prabhat slowly and harshly.

“It is true that you have the right attitude towards a wrong society” continued Prabhat, “a society that will eat you little by little, and even some times jump and attack fiercely injure you without mercy. This society does not differentiate between right and wrong it only goes in the most feasible way, the path that is most easy to follow, sacrificing all that can be dispensable and you will find yourself the most vulnerable victim of this society. The society rewards those who follow, like the society the most amiable path the path with the least obstacle.

“So I suggest you rethink your scheme for your life,” said Prabhat with his magnetic voice. Though Prabhat looked old, rugged and quite unconcerned about his surrounding, his voice reflected the concern he had for the wellbeing of Tapan.

“I have decided my course of life sir, please do not try to scare me since I have thought over the matter much before coming to a conclusion” insisted Tapan, “I would not have approached you if I was not sure.”

“I understand somebody is accompanying you.”

“Yes sir my elder sister”

“Call her in I would like to speak to her,” said Phabhat after thinking for a while.

Tapan went out and called Sofi in from the waiting room.

“Mr. Prabhat wants to speak to you,” he hurriedly explained.

As Sofi and Tapan entered his office, Prahat had come out of his side of the table and was standing to the left of it.

“Hello, young lady, welcome to my office and what would be your name, by which I should be addressing you?” inquired Prabhat.

“You may call me Sofi Sir,” replied Sofi.

“Please drop the formality, and call me Prabhat since it is quite an informal talk that I want to carry on with you that I requested Tapan to usher you in.”

11

Prabhat with his appearance looked quite a senior man and not only with respect to his age but also because of his position, which only demanded much respect and esteem. For the first time Sofi became self conscious and wondered how she was looking that Mr. Prabhat wanted to be called as Prabhat by her, was she looking old. Many in her school and among her friends told her she looked tolerably decent. And from the mirror she had learned that her face was not lined as Mr. Prabhat’s was.

Why should Mr. Prabhat deign low enough to be wanting to be called as Prabhat or was it a sign of intimacy that he was reflecting!

However not to sound indecent Sofi decided to call him Mr. Prabhat.

“Yes what is it Mr.Prabhat?” asked Sofi.

“Miss Sofi, I don’t know how far ahead you have progressed in life, and I don’t mean in terms of success and status but in terms of understanding and maturity, but I expect that you will understand and give appropriate value to what I am to say.”

“I will try my best Sir.”

“Right Miss Sofi, can you guess my age?”

“Appearance hardly ever reveals age sir and if it did all the ladies would go around with veil on their face,” said Sofi.

“I know you can not guess my age and not to put you in trouble I will tell you what my associates think it is, and they think I am at least nearing sixty, but do you know what I really am, I am exactly forty four years eight months. And do you know why I have visibly so aged? It is my job my dear friends, it is what I do, what I feel- the crime, the torture, the exploitation, the corruption the very doomed society on which I report. That is what has aged me like this. And this is what I am advising Tapan to avoid. Not every journalist is like me but most serious ones are like this. We are the harbingers of the destruction the society is going to experience. We have noticed and made it our matter of concern that the whole world is moving towards a collapse and a time will come when nothing would work when people will not get enough drinking water, man will corrupt man and one will act as a parasite on another sucking his blood in full freedom openly and with adamant daring. And we or people like us can not do anything.

In such a situation, lucky are the ones who do not see the doom, one should go about one’s business as if there is nothing wrong occurring.

Please counsel your brother who is so bent on watching the society that it is better if one looked after oneself and went about one’s business of living a life of smooth harmony not noticing what is going wrong. Because we can carry on like this for at least forty to fifty more years without everybody panicking, and he would have lived his life by then.

“His life he would have lived sir, but if he had ventured to get married and produce children, I wonder whether he can die peacefully and how we face death very much makes an assessment of how we have lived our life, life that consists of minutes and seconds if it were to culminate in remorse and grief and pain, or should you recommend Tapan to lead a life of an ignorant and at the end stand in custody in front of his children to be judged by them as one who could not bequeath a healthy world for them?” asked Sofi, trying to put up an argument in favor of Tapan.

Prabhat was perplexed.

“You certainly talk ahead of your age Miss Sofi, but perhaps you will understand that I am not an ignorant and actually am suffering from my learning, it is because I can see through. And perceive the future and only condemn the present for it that it makes me live in such a time which is so hopeless, that greys one’s hair and shrinks one’s chest, if I could avoid the future I would certainly have or at least have made an attempt to but no, the time is hopeless the devil has already made its abode inside man’s heart that he is doomed to perish. He does not listen to the voice of caution or stops short in his scheme towards destruction.”

Sofi was pained to see a man so low in his spirit and one without a support to hold on to against what he called the impending storm bound to come and wipe away mankind.

“Is there no hope of thwarting the danger is there no way to avoid the destruction that you foresee Mr. Prabhat asked Sofi slowly and almost in a whisper.

“It could have been avoided if Man could bother to ask himself what will he do when he has sucked all the blood from his prey! But he will not acknowledge, he will not even realize that his exploits are making other men suffer immeasurable misery, I see evil all around me.”

“But Mr. Prabhat you will accept that where there is evil there is also good, that when one is exploiting there is also another who is being exploited, and when he refuses to suffer helplessly, when he seeks a solution to avoid his suffering, would you not do well to put your hope on these people?”

“In my opinion it is naïve to hope Miss Sofi.”

“Hope is never a naivety Mr. Prabhat, Hope is always a source of strength, when Gandhiji was in distress for lack of hope against the British empire he would sit down with deep introspection, and he would see a gleam of light a flicker of hope and he would stand up for action and you see the result is we are today a free nation without having to made the British curse us. Our good conquered over their evil , we made them realize that they were on the wrong side, we aroused the dormant goodness in them and they departed for justice sake though not without some regret for their loss of power,” continued Sofi, “Good and Evil Mr. Prabhat are very near to each other just like suffering and strength. Where you see exploitation I see opportunity for unity”.

Prabhat was listening with interest, when distress collides with hope, it is hope that prevails, no matter how much a man is suffering, hope is that intoxication that makes him blind to all obstacles and troubles. He wanted to test Sofi with some confrontation with reality.

“What will you do Miss Sofi when America bombs over Iraq and Afganisthan killing lakhs and Russia attacks Cechnya, when millions die of malnourishment in Africa and the World bank recommends structural adjustment programs to borrowing nations which results in large scale increase in their debt and impoverishes their economy by reducing them to be dependent on the West for food and medicine. What will you do when all governments in India compete with each other to invite polluting industries to their states without care for environment, when the world spends hundreds of time on weapons than it spends on food, Miss Sofi we are in a time, when the rich and powerful nations grow more rich and more powerful at the cost of poorer and power less nations. Now leaders of our nation and of nations like us have mortgaged the system we have in the hands of large corporates who in turn supported by their financial clout and their originating nation’s support through regulation and power at multinational forums are sucking the blood out of us. How would you react to that Miss Sofi?

“I know of only one thing Mr. Prabhat, there is good and there is evil, there is ignorance and there is understanding, there is despair and there is hope. And if I were to choose I will always choose Hope, Understanding, and Good. Good will reproduce good, understanding will spread itself and Hope will sustain against despair and carry us through with strength and confidence.”

“Interesting, very interesting. I like your optimism, but there is a limitation to everybody’s capacity. We cannot exceed our limitation. And certainly I could use some good news alongside the morose, gloomy and tragic, stories of some successes alongside corruption, exploitation and failures.”

“True Mr. Prabhat, good news always creates a positive feeling and stories of man’s better side will instill hope in the good and it is such a strength, I am sure man will feel inclined to behave in an appropriate manner throughout the day.”

“Even a good man wants something for himself and the line between need and greed is a thin one so when there is competition, when there is struggle for who will take what, there is bound to be misery and failure and suffering. It is only through appropriate institutions that there can be a check on destitution. Through past tradition, in India we are taught to accept suffering without complaint. Both individual and institution must be corrected to take us through without a collapse of systems.”

Now Prabhat was talking to himself.

“Right, there is hope sir, there is hope,” Sofi was seeing a hope for Tapan, but more than that she observed a gleam on Prabhat’s face as if a man has come back from a dangerous exploit escaping an attack on his life.

“You know Miss Sofi, with my daily dealings with society’s rot I had lost faith in man’s better side. But it is not my fault, it is the fact that we see around us, mans elevated nature is almost invisible, it seems there is a treasure ahead for which every man is running as fast as he could, in the way crushing his competitors, never stopping to realize whether he really needs what he is running for. He never asks himself whether the aim he has fixed for himself is worthy of him! If I give Tapan a job today with my newspaper, he too will be lost in this run, or in watching the run while himself running along with these men, like I have done and I don’t want him to do that. But definitely I can use him for a purpose, indeed I could use him.”

And then Prabhat turned to Tapan, “say Tapan if I asked you to report on what good is happening in the society, to report on non-violence if you are interested in violence, to report on man’s courage to resist exploitation if you are interested in conflict and to report on all such occurrences that will give us hope, hope to see man not moving towards destruction but coming out of impending devastation. Will you be interested on such an endeavor Tapan? May be with your such reporting, I can recover some of my lost age,” stopped Prabhat to get a reaction from Tapan.

Tapan was nodding his head.

“Sure sir, I will be most interested and prove myself worthy if you give me an opportunity. When I came here I wanted to expose man’s evil side, so that he can correct himself not liking his image, as you will agree he does not recognize the devil in him and it is for this reason that he is not able to fight it out. I think what I wanted to do and what you now want me to do are both essential and complementary. Thus I will request you to allow me to do both the things. Surely if I present good and evil both side by side, man will most definitely choose good and we will be gratified.”

Prabhat was most attentive, he did not want to argue any further.

“Alright young man, write whatever you like but keep what I have said in mind and if I find your write-up worthwhile I will certainly print it. All I can say is I will give you a good ear. For the time being I shall not be able to accept you as a regular employee. But as we print more and more of your reports, soon we can come to terms and I will surely offer a career if you prove your ability.”

Then turning to Sofi, Prabhat said in as soft a voice as he could manage, “I am glad to make your acquaintance Miss Sofi, and I am highly impressed by your optimism and touched by your humanism. Surely we need more people like you around us and the world will be a much better place.”

12

It is only then that Prabhat realized that they had been talking all along without his offering his visitors a seat. He was a little embarrassed for his discourtesy.

“Indeed you two will forgive me for my lack of manner, please do sit down on the sofa here while I order some tea for us,” said Prabhat.

“Actually we never realized it sir, you were such an interesting person to converse with,” said Sofi, while Prabhat went out of his office and brother and sister settled down on the sofa.

Their visit was not without some success. So they were feeling happy inside. Sofi was most touched by the character of Prabhat. The interesting part was Prabhat was concerned with the future of Tapan, whereas he could have just examined his merit for availing the job and either taken in or rejected. This concern for another human being when there is no apparent relationship between them is something that Sofi shared with Prabhat. And in a way she was herself concerned about Prabhat the man besides, Prabhat the editor. What kind of life he led that has aged him so much will be an interesting thing to find out. The job must be a very responsible one, a very stressful one and more than anything else, Prabhat must have got totally involved, deeply feeling for what he did which bonded him so, which engaged his spirit and soul, which must have hurt him often and have taken him through much emotional turmoil, so much so that he forbade Tapan to follow a career to which he himself had dedicated his life.

What could be a cure for Prabhat, how if possible can he regain his vigour his youth his enthusiasm for life, his expectation from living? Sofi questioned herself, who all are there at Prabhat’s house, was he married? Did he have children or was he alone which seemed more of a possibility because contact with family and children would have diluted some of the intensity of professional life.

Meanwhile Prabhat came back with another man following him with three cups of tea on a tray. He pulled a chair to face Sofi and Tapan and told them that he has freed himself from his routine so that he can talk with them more. As it was lunch time Prabhat invited Sofi and Tapan for lunch in a nearby restaurant.

And they talked more. Sofi inquired of Prabhat more about his life and he revealed himself unreservedly. He was the only son with an elder sister seven years older than him. His parents were from western Orissa but settled in Bhubaneswar as his father was working there in a government office as a clerk. Prabhat had a distinguished academic career with a post graduation in mass communication after which he joined Dainik Asha as a journalist and has been there since then. His father passed away when he was only 10 years old. His mother is still living with him but has turned deaf. Prabhat has constantly been working hard with the newspaper and climbed the ladder with tenacity using his intelligence and hard work to bring him to the top most position in twenty two years. He never had time to think of marriage and in spite of persuasion by his elder sister has remained single. He worked fifteen hours a day getting into all the details of what is to be printed for the next day and which news should occupy which space. In addition he had to write the editorial. There were always pressure from various interest groups of society starting from political parties and politicians to teachers and merchant’s unions who wanted publicity of their activities. It required every bit of effort and self control to keep balance amid chaos and diverse commitments. Prabhat took care not to let the paper become the spokesman of any particular political party, though with the growth in subscription of the paper, every party wanted it to work for its benefit. And it is because of Prabhat’s leadership that the paper became reputed as a first order newspaper in the state. He weighed news on its merit and use for society and accordingly made use of it. The job was initially interesting and Prabhat relished his hard work. Slowly it turned stressful and routine. Even the bad times were got used to so that now-a-days little surprised him. Assassination, Corruption, exploitation, violence, accident, looting, cheating.. were part of everyday occurrence. Initially he thought he was serving society by making useful news available to the public. Slowly he realized that as he was used to report, the public was used to read and getting informed. Hardly ever any action got initiated based on his news. Slowly he turned morose and depressed of his hard work. He had no friends with whom to share his plight. At his position he was alone and alone with his responsibilities. He had come to realize that his work made little change in the world. But upon assuming responsibilities now he was not able to get rid of it. The more he tried to revitalize the paper by reporting more and more useful news, the more he came to realize that the public was busy in its slumber. It was not possible to shake it to awake. News was news only for a couple of days after which everybody got used to it. Society had become thick skinned. The main problem was Prabhat never got to know the effect or impact he made on society; he was starving of feedback from his report. The rich he became with information and knowledge, the poor he became of spirit and enthusiasm. He lacked freshness.

And Sofi was full of freshness. That is the reason he took a few hours away from his work to get infected. Tapan just reminded him of himself two decades back. He was feeding himself with the youthful vigor that the brother and sister radiated.

Sofi felt pity with a tinge of sadness to find a character so starving of company with novelty. A man so informed that nothing seemed new to him. He was rarely if ever surprised. To some extent she was flattered to move the man so much as to make him to escape from his work for at least a couple of hours.

Sofi told him of her intention to work for the poor and deprived. She explained how she had started working for environment at Chakijan street and also of the literacy campaign for the woman of Chakijan street.

Prabhat appreciated Sofi’s beginning though modest. He wanted to be kept informed of her future activities. When they got back from lunch, Sofi and Prabhat had found a friend in each other. They agreed to keep in touch.

“Keep an eye on the happenings around you and report,” advised Prabhat to Tapan, “if you have to travel for our purpose, we will reimburse your expenses.”

“Don’t worry, I will guide you and we will make you make a career in our paper,” he added.

As they were moving towards a conclusion of their meeting, Sofi thought the discussion would remain incomplete if they did not discuss more about Prabhat and his gloom.

“Why do you work so hard, Mr. Prabhat? What do you want to achieve?” asked Sofi.

“I work hard because it is my job and I don’t want to achieve anything.”

“Don’t you think life should have a goal Mr. Prabhat?”

“Life’s goal is “to be” Miss Sofi and “perpetually to be,” we keep on doing to be. When I started working twenty years back, I never wanted to be the editor at some time, I just worked to be, to be what I was – happy joyous, calm, peaceful, contemplating beauty, enjoying aesthetics. I did to be, to perpetually be. Somewhere in the line, I wanted to do and not to be and as a consequence I am not what all I wanted to be. I don’t know how I will die, but I would like to die peacefully in a mood that does not expect anything, that does not have a desire to keep living, die just quietly and calmly.”

“In short Miss Sofi, life’s goal should be to live joyous and to die joyous.”

“You mean, life’s goal should be to be joyous and to perpetually be joyous, but how; that is the big question every one has Mr. Prabhat, how to be joyous!”

“This is a question of means and ends Miss Sofi, the end – the goal is “to be.” But the means for “to be,” well, varies but the means should be chosen in such a way that it also results in “to perpetually be.” Many people have believed that life’s goal is to be moral, to realize one’s potential, to self actualize, to excel in life etc.. but I think Miss Sofi, those are the means, the end always is “to be.” But of course, the end does not motivate to avail the means, it is the means that are the motivators for life and the end is hidden underneath. At the same time, any mean, which does not take to you to the end, is not the right mean. Every man is different, and to each, his “mean.” Self Miss Sofi is very important.”

“Don’t we have responsibilities towards our society Mr. Prabhat, other than responsibilities towards ourselves?”

“All other responsibilities derive from responsibility towards our self, if we live amid people in our surrounding, we can’t be happy in an unhappy environment and from this we conceive our duty towards our environment or society. Our knowledge and concern for humanities future makes us responsible for our future and we stand and act consequently perceiving our duty for future.”

“If our goal is to be and you are not happy Mr. Prabhat, why do you continue to work or do so as you do?”

“Because I know of nothing else to do and I must do something. In this way all of us are entangled with society Miss Sofi, we all must make a claim on society to satisfy our minimum requirement in turn offering whatever we have in us. In this way we are part of a larger system in which we have a stake. Civilization always advances to create harmony among individuals so that while being a part of the society they can still feel their independence. We must be free while we are dependent. And this happens through establishing norms and conventions. It is by depending on rules that we get detached from others. Rules followed by everybody, detaches everybody from one another. But these rules must be just and appropriate and when they are not, somebody like Gandhiji or Abraham Lincoln steps in to set the rules to right.” As Prabhat was saying this, he had closed his eyes and was getting the words from the depth of his intellect discovering them as he gathered them. And he was afraid of the obvious question that would ensue.

As if to give shape to his worst fears, Sofi asked bluntly and ruthlessly, “Are the rules that govern our life right Mr. Prabhat? Are they as they should be? And if they are not , who will set it right, Mr. Prabhat do you sense a social responsibility for each individual? The society on which we all have a stake is not of the right type, there is something wrong with it or else there should not be so much misery, so much suffering around us. When the rules are not right Mr. Prabhat there are grievances and these grievances are made on all those who are profited by the rules by all those who are exploited by the rules. And by such claims, all of us are bound, none of us is free, we cannot go to bed peacefully with shackles tying us.”

Sofi was violent.

She had used steel hands to pierce into Prabhat’s heart and extract the very words that were there.

And Prabhat collapsed on his chair, there was an almost intolerable silence before he could speak again.

“The cause of misery Miss Sofi is two fold, it is not only lack of right rules it is also non adherence to the rules that are right. Marx thought the culprit is “ownership of property” and he created communism, Lenin created a party that would enforce a system where each man is bound to another, where there is no free consciousness, there is no independent thought. As should have been known, the system collapsed in USSR and eastern Europe. China now recognizes private property. Communism is not right because it does not leave any body alone. Capitalism leaves everybody alone and the stronger exploits the weaker. Here the rules are inadequate though right. What is wrong with capitalism is not “free ownership of property”, it is the lack of virtues. It is the vice of strong exploiting the weak that afflicts mankind and it is not all, it is not only hunger for power, but also greed and apathy that marks today’s man. Only mans movement towards justice, altruism and compassion can create a better society. In addition to a virtuous man, who relishes in being, we need rules where it is not there. Where there is only negotiation as there is in international arena, power needs to be appropriated as per rules, right, just rules and not to be negotiated as per strength.

And to set those rules seems beyond us, quite frustrating indeed, does that answer your question Miss Sofi?” asked Prabhat.

It does not Mr. Prabhat, because we have yet to find who will create the virtuous man and who will ensure virtue in man!” said Sofi, avoiding the invitation to be dragged into the arena of international politics and at the same time indicating that if you could set the man right, rest would take care of itself. This she had learned from her school.

“Will I answer all the questions Miss Sofi? Won’t you like to take a lead here, that you are a teacher tells me that you would know exactly how to teach the society its virtue” answered Prabhat smiling. He had recovered from Sofi’s attack on him holding him responsible for societies vice.

“Let us leave the topic there Mr. Prabhat you would agree that we have wandered away from our main line, we were discussing why you should continue to work as you do even when you should not be doing so” said Sofi.

“Tell me then what I should do, what would move me back along the clock, I know I need a shave, a good hair cut and some decent clothes, I think then you would let me continue with what I am doing! Exclaimed Prabhat.

“It is not only you appearance that needs correction Mr. Prabhat, it is your mental fatigue your obsession with what you do, in reality you need a vacation sir, take a break, be amid fresh nature among lively people?”

“And where do I need to go for that Miss Sofi?” asked Prabhat, now being serious and accepting that he needed a vacation. He had become really conscious of his appearance but his appearance was only an effect, the cause was he was worn out. There was no reason why he should continue to do what he disliked.

Sofi considered his question for a while. She knew Prabhat needed to come in touch with freshness, she knew the reason for her freshness. She was always in touch with children buoyant with cheerful spirit.

“Why don’t you come and teach at my school for a month, you can consider it an invitation to come and stay with us at our town, really as you will come in contact with the mountainous terrain, the small streams coming out from atop and the greenery around the scene is just beautiful and when you get in contact with my school children, their freshness would take all your fatigue away,” said Sofi with a confidence that showed on her face. She was genuine in her concern for Prabhat.

“I must thank you for your invitation, but of course I cannot decide immediately, I will get in touch with you people once I make up my mind. Now I must get back to my work and I thank you both for coming and spending all this time with me. And I would like to know what is your plan for today.”

“We will be leaving today evening by bus,” said Sofi.

They thanked Prabhat profusely for spending all the time with them and also for the lunch.

Then they took leave and hired an auto rickshaw for their hotel.

13

That same day they left Bhubaneswar and reached Rayagada the next morning.

At home everybody was eager to know what happened at the interview. Sofi told them that Mr. Prabhat has assured Tapan a career in his paper. Mr. Mohanty wanted to know if Tapan will be paid and what are the terms and conditions agreed to, to which Sofi had to confess nothing was discussed in that regard but soon all these matters will be settled, once a few articles written by Tapan was accepted by the editor. “We had a cordial and open discussion with Mr. Prabhat, he seems to be a nice gentleman and a man of integrity he will sure not play around with Tapan and soon we can come to some terms. “Also bapa do you know, we have invited him to come to our town for a vacation since he seemed quite tired of his work and he took it very positively, my guess is we can expect him here soon.”

“I would surely like to meet him,” said Mr. Mohanty, “he must be an old man like me.”

“No, no he is only forty four but looks older than you, one can not remain without feeling respect for him and he is so intelligent, one would admire him for his wisdom acquired at such an young age,” said Sofi as if she had known Prabhat since a long time.

The full day they talked about Prabhat at home. Soon the name had become a part of the family. Sofi was full of his praise. Until then she had not spoken of a man so highly and she shared her views about him revealing an intimacy she shared with Prabhat.

In the evening, she was at their neighbor Mr. Sahu’s house. Even there she could speak of nothing else but Prabhat.

“You know uncle, he is an enigma, he thinks life’s goal is “to be” and “to perpetually be”” she told Mr. Sahu.

“He does not seem to believe in God or else he would have said, life’s goal is Moksha as per Hindu religion,” wondered Mr. Sahu.

“What is faith other than some superstitious beliefs?” asked Sofi who was critically secular in her outlook.

“Faith is required as much as its utility mandates it, all beliefs if not rational still have to be weighed on the scale of their utility to man. But of course we can not expect a child or an ignorant to evaluate beliefs on the scale of their utility because they have yet not developed that critical faculty. And they have to be given such useful beliefs as faith. And to that extent I find faith is useful. Faith is a fools wisdom.”

“And what do you do to your faith once you develop your critical faculties?”

“Then you evaluate its usefulness and may choose to negate it or accept it or simply ignore it as lord Buddha did.”

“Now that you critical faculties are developed, how do you evaluate his view that Man’s goal is to be and perpetually to be?”

“There is nothing wrong with the goal but he did not tell you how to attain it, did he?” asked Mr. Sahu smiling.

“I did not ask him,” confessed Sofi.

“That is the trick, the wisdom of how to perpetually be has to be taught, and learned before one can discover it using one’s own intelligence.”

“And different faiths teach different paths, don’t they?”

“Yes they do but there is a tool which must be availed by all so that they don’t feel cheated by their prior learning. And this tool is that of complete control over our mind. Without control over mind it is not possible to perpetually to be, it is one which allows us self solace in all conditions.”

“But control of mind, does it not make one self conscious in such a way that selflessness becomes infeasible?”

“On the contrary even the path of selflessness requires self control so that you perpetually offer your “Self””

“Oh please don’t talk about such things that it goes over my head,” pleaded Meera.

“I don’t think we should distract Meera from her studies,” agreed Sofi rising to leave. Her talk with Mr. Sahu was an everyday affair and it spread over anything that came to Sofi’s mind. Whenever she had some complication in her thought process, she always approached Mr. Sahu for simplification.

Tapan got in touch with some journalists of the town to learn of the journalists work. Initially he reported any of several of government’s initiatives in the district to “Dainik Asha” . Some of his reports were published. Slowly he was getting a grasp over the social occurrences in the district. He became a member of the press club and other journalists gave him tips over what to write about. He learned as he worked. He was in regular touch with Prabhat.

Time passed by.

Tapan was appointed officially as reporter for the district for “Dainik Asha”. Sofi had completed her B.Ed. And was regularized in her school. That meant three fold increase in her salary. She continued working for the ladies of the town slum. Now she was running evening schools in three different areas. The women of the “Paras” paid ten rupees per month and that covered the teacher’s payment. The municipality had started constructing the promised drainage in Chakijan street. Seeing her success, many NGO’s got in touch with her offering her a job at their office. But Sofi decided to continue with her school. She often remembered her talks with Prabhat and wished Prabhat could come to Rayagada for a vacation. Prabhat often asked about her preoccupation when they talked over phone. He was in touch with Tapan instructing him and guiding him. After he finished talking with Tapan he would often ask for Sofi. They would chat about this and that never bothering for prolonged discussion about any topic. Sofi longed for a close talk with Prabhat. Now-a-days he had become different, regaining some of his enthusiasm for life, he told Sofi. He had even started watching some movies for entertainment. Though he had no interest in popular Hindi films, he watched the art films. If he liked some film very much, he would send the CD for Sofi. Recently he had sent a CD of the film “Lal Salam,” a film made on the life of communists. This was a time when Naxalites were gaining hold over many parts of Orissa. Even some parts of Rayagada district were influenced by the Naxalites. They were stopping the process of farming where the farm was owned by a non-tribal. To mark the area under their control, they hoisted a red flag, which meant no one can cultivate the land.

14

Prabhat got a set back from his process of recovery from fatigue. His mother expired of heart-attack. He had lost his father when he was only ten. He did not remember much about his father but his mother was very close to him. She was there and now she was not there. In his life Prabhat had seen many deaths but had never experienced the loss that he now confronted. Though he was not much of a believer, he conducted all the “kriya karm” as per the Hindu custom. “I owe this to my mother,” he said. Sofi wanted to visit him to console him but he said he would rather visit Rayagada and spend some time there. The transition from a person with a mother to a person without a parent required reconciliation.

He had never confronted death with such intimacy. Now when he looked at the bed where his mother used to lie down he felt forlorn. He felt grown up in such a manner, realizing he represented the top most generation in his family. All decisions to be taken on behalf of his family would have to be made by him. Not that there were many such responsibility, but just the realization that there remained none from a older generation put a weight on his shoulder that weighed heavy.

To relax his mind and to recover from his psychological shock, he decided to visit Rayagada and stay there for a month. He delegated his responsibilities to his junior at office. He asked Sofi to make reservation for him in a comfortable hotel in Rayagada. Sofi wanted to invite him to stay with them at their home but they did not have a guest room and Paro’s visit almost coincided with Prabhat’s. So she booked a room for a month in the hotel “Jyoti Mahal.” Jyoti Mahal was nearest to “Hati Pathar” a place of great scenic beauty where the river Nagabali flowed amid stones of the size of elephants. Rayagada was surrounded by mountains and one would be lost in its reflection if one cares for greenery and enjoys the sound of flowing water which is rare for city dwellers.

Paro reached home two days before Prabhat came to Rayagada. Paro’s “would be motherhood” showed on her body. She was in her seventh month and the baby would see day light within next two or three months. Paro was filled with both a joy expecting her baby and also an anxiety lest something should go wrong. It was her first child and all woman expecting their first child feel an inexperience always learning what to do at what time, how to carry themselves around that they themselves feel like a child back to learning basics of life. But with Sofi she was still the elder. She tried to persuade Sofi that a married life was always better than a life of a spinster at Sofi’s age. Paro did not have the intellectual reach that Sofi had but she had a rich collection of emotions having known intimacy with a man and having shared life full of give and take, full of care and share; that made her confident about life in a way that Sofi was not.

When they were alone, Paro told Sofi of how she had felt when she was first touched by a man, how in her first night she had given herself away completely to be caressed and to be loved, getting to know what a man was like, feeling his strength and thereby getting a hold over her man. In giving away her freedom to her husband, she obtains a partnership, for doing things jointly and as a single unit that after marriage a couple become one unit of society. Society no longer sees them differently but as a single unit. And with children coming, they become a family, a wholesome and live an independent life through dependency on each other. She revealed as much of her married life as one could to her younger sister. Sofi was impressed by the happiness her sister was feeling and equally was getting aware of her loneliness. All her friends had married and gone off leaving her alone to lead her solitary life, where she was her master and peer at the same time.

And then Prabhat came, Sofi and Tapan had gone to the railway station to receive him.

He looked a different man. He was clean shaved, which revealed a clean face with glowing eyes that was quite unfamiliar to Sofi and Tapan. They felt as if they were meeting a different man. Sofi felt almost shy because of the intimacy she had unconsciously developed with this apparently unknown man. Prabhat was tall with a towering personality but his face betrayed the sorrow he was feeling at his heart. He melted in to a familiarity with brother and sister as they had known each other since quite some time. But in spite of the togetherness he was showing, he was lonely and his slow talk, his grave voice communicated that much.

He was shown his hotel and Sofi and Tapan came back home.

“He looks different, much more handsome and presentable,” said Tapan.

“Yes, you are right,” admitted Sofi curtly.

“Has he told you how he wants to spend his time here?”

“No there is no particular plan but I want him to spend more time alone amidst nature, without thinking about his work and may be in the evening we can spend some time together. After one week when he has recollected himself, may be I will organize his spending some time with my school children, with his busy schedule I am sure he hasn’t come across much innocence and freshness earlier.”

The local press club had come to know of Prabhat’s visit to Rayagada and they wanted to give a party in his honor. It was fixed for a day in the nexst week because Prabhat wanted to remain undisturbed for a whole week. He only made one exception, he accepted the invitation for dinner at the Mohanty’s house the next day.

Mr. Sahu was present for the occasion. He became an instant friend with Prabhat. Both the men liked each other. Sofi helped her mother in cooking. Mr. Sahu expressed his condolences for the demise of Prabhat’s mother.

“It was unexpected for me. But she had finished her work and must have got prepared for death.”

“So she had nothing else left to do! But does one ever get prepared for death Mr. Prabhat?” asked Mr. Sahu.

“She had but one wish, to see me married and raise a family, but I could not fulfill that desire. I never had the time, actually I never allocated any time for that in spite of her much insistence and persuasion. I think in the end, she had given up and perhaps that would have helped her to prepare for death.”

“What makes you think she was prepared for death, may be it was as unexpected to her, as it is to you.”

“It was her face after death, it was so calm, so very alive, if you did not know she was dead, you won’t belief she was dead, she was so much at peace with herself. I almost didn’t feel sorry. But the shock and the realization came when I was putting fire to her pyre. It was then that the flood of tears came to me. I sat down for a long time there at the funeral placed and convinced myself that mother was no more. When I came back, I had left her behind but will she ever die as long as I live! She will always be there in me, in my memory. I almost recognized some sense in our tribal and the Chinese belief in worshipping of ancestors. You know Mr. Sahu, if we are attached to our life, it is very difficult to confront death of our near ones. It is only by being detached to our own life that we find a way for conciliating with death of another.”

“I can understand, even I don’t have my parents. When I lost them I was not so wise as you. I cried like hell and my tears washed away my sorrow. Reality is so strong, to remain sane, we have to come to terms with it. It may take time but we learn to live without the people who have left us behind. Indifference to what is not there is a great virtue. I don’t mean we should forget because memory is as real as we ourselves are. But what is not there is not there and that is the truth. We are helpless in front of this truth.”

Mr. Mohanty who was listening with care till now, and who had not till now got over his dilemma about what should be life’s goal, asked in spite of himself, “Then is death life’s goal? That is the end anyway, life culminates in death.”

Prabhat volunteered to answer his question, “At any moment, being is the only reality, how can death which comes only once be so important – what is there with us all the time is living. Living is life’s goal. It requires all the wisdom for living a life and living it well.”

“True, but what is good living at one time may cause or lead to bad living at a future date. Just like though we enjoy eating, eating more than we should, can lead to health problems at a future date. Smoking may give temporary pleasure but it may lead to many diseases at a future date. Non-violence is such a value that resorting to violence at one time definitely leads to problems and suffering at a future date. While self interest is a cause for most action, recognizing societies interest as a primary component of self interest is an unavoidable value,” added Mr. Sahu.

“I am surprised we are talking about life but till now none of you have resorted to religion, which is such an important part of our life!” wondered Mr. Mohanty.

“Virtuous living when we cause no harm to anybody and faith in justice is a must in any religion and is so basic that without it we cannot be detached from life. Our conscience is an independent observer which keeps a close watch on our activities. No body can be at peace without a clear conscience. And conscience is a product of culture, reason and compassion. Like dependency on rules of society detaches us from society, dependency on clear conscience detaches us from our self and we become capable of feeling a freedom and harmony with self and society. And as to your question of our association, with religion Mr. Mohanty, religion is a good start to faith. As reason develops, religion is as good as a habit. Because of habit, we remain sane with religion and skeptical questions surrounding it. Rationality can neither prove God not disprove God. Thus it is a matter of “up to us” — Prabhat clarified his stand.

“I wish it was as easy as that, we see so much activity, so much turmoil involving communities which come and confront each other in the name of religion that we can hardly say it is up to one’s own self. That is only as far as spiritual question is considered. When we come to the societal, the communal question, life’s entanglement with religion becomes highly important. We have to explain all the riots, all the wars, all the deaths that have taken place in the name of religion,” said Mr. Mohanty.

“Not only that even at a personal state, so much of society’s rules is derived from religion, we are forced to take a stand as to our religious beliefs,” added Mr. Sahu.

“Consensus frees us, Conflict binds us. When we can not agree, instead of moving towards conflict, we should move towards indifference. Religious difference added with compassion leads to conflict and tolerance or indifference is the only direction left if we are totally unable to appreciate another’s religion,” explained Prabhat.

The discussion would have continued for a long time if not for Sofi’s interruption, saying the food was ready.

Prabhat was feeling much better by the time he rose to take leave and go to his hotel. His car was to come the next day from Bhubaneswar. He did not himself come by car because of the long journey and the accompanying physical exhaustion. When his car arrives, he can move around comfortably.

After dinner, Tapan showed Prabhat his hotel since Prabhat was unfamiliar with Rayagada. He took rest and sleep came easily to him. He slept till late morning and had his lunch in his room which he ordered through the hotel boys. After lunch he again fell into sleep. His car had come from Bhubaneswar. It was very calm and Prabhat was experiencing peace of mind. There was a tall mirror in his room. When he saw his reflection, he was surprised, at how changed he looked. He had slept for such a long time after such a long time. He looked at his face and discovered a quietness, a calmness he had long not felt in him. His clean face was somewhat of a stranger to him. This man was almost handsome, with out his moustache and beard, he was also looking much younger. What brought this change in him?

The answer startled him. It is since he had met Sofi that slowly and slowly he had started growing younger at heart. He had let Sofi have much place in his heart, which he had never had to any body else.

Was he in love?

He felt embarrassed, almost shy.

What made him come to Rayagada for rest of all the places on earth! If not for Sofi!

Shyness was not an emotion he could easily attach with his age, with all his experience and maturity but who said he was old any more. He was feeling so young just at the remembrance of Sofi. Sofi was beautiful. She was young, intelligent and filled with energy and must be dreaming of somebody suitable to her. A suitable boy who will match Sofi with an active interest in women and with colorful emotions and will care for her fancies ready to do anything she commanded.

And Prabhat was an old bear.

Always pre-occupied with work. Reason dominated his mind than emotion. But things can change, and things have already started change. After his mother’s demise, one emotion had swept over him — sorrow. And now he was feeling such a tender affection for Sofi who always matched his thought with an understanding, which no fool can command. She was definitely quite intelligent for her age and experience. She was worthy of him. But was he worthy of her?

Recently Prabhat had celebrated his forty fifth birthday and Sofi was only twenty- seven. A gap of eighteen years. What will she think, what will her family think, is a relation possible between an old horse and a little parrot!

The thought did not frighten Prabhat, he had seen so much in his life. But his heart beat had become a little faster. He felt like a boy with an impending examination. Will Sofi return his affection? He had better be on guard lest his feelings got ahead of him and displayed themselves without appropriate context. In which case he would only be embarrassed and who knows may give occasion to a good laughter.

In the evening Prabhat drove along the Koraput road and was amazed at the beauty of the surrounding. A river coiled with the road meeting it at regular intervals. The mountains were covered with green trees. He got down from his car near a water stream and sat down gazing at the not so far mountain. The sun was crimson and it was twilight. Evening had already invited darkness and it was approaching, with in half an hour the mountain was looking dark and though the nearby trees were still green to look at, Prabhat thought it was time to return and started driving back towards Rayagada town.

When he reached his hotel, Sofi and Tapan were waiting for him.

He was glad to see Sofi. Now he was not careless in his talk with Sofi. He was on guard and a little reserved. Now no longer he was looking at her as a partner in conversation but with a feeling which he wanted to grow to a relationship.

“How do you feel Mr. Prabhat, did you like our town, I understand you had a look at it”? Sofi asked.

Nice very nice indeed, though I did not look around in the town I had gone outside the town to have a look at the surrounding scenery and I liked it very much,” said Prabhat.

He ordered for tea for the three for them. They sat in silence waiting for the tea. And when the tea came sipping the tea, Sofi who seemed to have something in her mind but was hesitating about whether or not to bring up the topic.

15

Prabhat sensing that Sofi wanted to ask something, asked what is it that disturbed her and instead of sitting silently they may as well have a talk on something.

“I have been thinking since yesterday since I heard you speak that consensus leads to freedom, should not agreement lead to bondage rather then freedom. I am unable to see how friendship which according to me binds two persons be freedom for each when there is no disagreement between them,” Sofi asked.

“For this Sofi, we have to understand what is the freedom, I am talking about. Freedom means knowledge and acceptance of what result will take place consequent of what action we take. When we have reached an understanding among ourselves about how one will react to what of our action, we feel free from uncertainty, future becomes predictable of course consequent of our action. In such a situation we feel released from circumstantial bondage. In friendship when there is understanding, there is togetherness and not bondage. Bondage indicates a subservience a degree of lesser status of the present as compared to future. In contrast in understanding, present is equal to future because future becomes predictable consequent of present. In addition in bondage among equals, each is subservient to another – non is free. One’s future is dependent on some independent action of another and not only dependent on ones own action. In bondage one does not know how the circumstance will react to what action of ours which is not there in understanding or consensus and thus – Freedom in consensus. I hope I am clear, have I communicated myself Miss Sofi? queried Prabhat.

“According to you then the weak is free if he knows that he is weak and that if his interest confronts that of the strong; the strong will crush the weak,” said Sofi.

“In that case, the weak is free if he accepts his weakness and the consequent effect and does not come into conflict with this situation or starts to protest. Because if he protests, there results a conflict and a bondage starts. To be free, the weak must come to an understanding with the strong and accept his lower status with full willingness. A slave is a free man until he realizes his slavery.”

“Would you then not oppose slavery as a system?”

“No I would oppose it because there is bound to be resentment at least in some of the slaves heart against the imposed slavery and thus there is restriction to their freedom. There is bound to be some silent rebellion in some hearts even if the system was accepted as a rule in the totality of the society, here comes the need to correct the rules as I was telling you the other day,” said Prabhat.

“Oh yes, I remember we had talked about that on the day we had met in Bhubaneswar. Quite a long back. Much has happened since then. Now you are here, away from your work, then you were so busy totally immersed in your work but you found time for us, I can never thank you enough for that.”

“Oh that was nothing, in fact I have gained much since our association on that day, if I did favor on somebody on that day, it was on my own self. I feel so fine here amid you people, I like your father, Mr. Sahu and am glad I met you people that I wish you had come earlier in my life.”

At that time, Prabhat remembered, Mr. Sahu had promised to give him a book that he wanted to borrow. Tapan volunteered to get back to house and bring the book from Mr. Sahu. Sofi and Prabhat were left alone.

“Why don’t we take a walk, the weather seems just fine,” said Prabhat.

Prabhat had said, they should have met earlier in his life. Sofi was embarrassed by the compliment. But she was also feeling good about that. She had not felt better since a long time. Prabhat was a good man to have around. Sometimes he stretched her intellect far and often he appealed to her heart by giving her so much importance and attention. Today however Prabhat while talking, seemed much more conscious of himself, a little reserved, something not known to Sofi. Prabhat had always looked confident, master of the situation a bit self reflecting sometimes but still in control. Today Prabhat was not in control. He spoke slowly with many pauses and really seemed a little nervous.

Sofi had not known this side of Prabhat. She had rightly surmised Prabhat, Prabhat was feeling nervous, he did not know what impact his talk was having on Sofi but he wanted to impress Sofi. This was the first time in his life that he was so alive. Anticipating every sound, every pause, noticing his heart beat, and smiling to himself. Something told him he had almost become a boy, eager to please.

In a while, both of them stopped, not knowing what to say further. But still not letting go of the companionship. “You know, Sofi, I don’t know what to say, actually, I don’t know how to say, after my mother, you are the first woman I am talking to so unreservedly and candidly but today I am finding words are not coming out freely.”

“Sometimes it is good to remain silent.”

They kept quiet. Measuring each other’s pulse through their eyes. It was dark so eyes could not see only feel. And the silence brought them together face to face capitalizing on the familiarity they had built in the past few months. Slowly understanding was giving way to anxiety and anticipation of the future. Sofi wanted to say something, but did not quite know what. It was novel. For both of them. They both felt like school children, walking after school hours.

“You know Prabhat, you are an enigma for me, I think I know you but still, I don’t know you. I feel I understand you but still I don’t understand you. You know it is very strange, very queer, I was never so unsure of myself,” said Sofi dropping the Mr. which as per their latest proximity had become superfluous. And Prabhat did not seem to notice.

“To be frank, Sofi I too feel the same way, particularly today. The loss of mother and subsequent solace I find in you by just being around you, around somebody who understands me quite like a mother understands her child, you know Sofi you know me more than you can imagine. You anticipate my thought, you appreciate my words so immediately after they have been spoken, really you are marvelous, I guess in the world if there is somebody who understands me it is you.”

“Oh Prabhat, I understand what you say, but do not know what you have not said. Do not know what to anticipate. I wish you were more simple, more tangible, but you are much opaque, that I want to keep looking at you just for the suspense of seeing what will come next! I have often wondered, whether reason is easy to anticipate or emotion! Reason is rational, emotion is irrational. So one would say emotion is difficult to anticipate and reason should be easy to predict. You seem emotional about your reason.”

“Sofi really don’t complicate simple affairs. My emotions run deeper than my reason. Reason is the outer current, emotions flow within.”

Sofi was overcome with a turmoil, there was a bench beside the road, “let us sit down here for sometime,” she said.

“But today, I must confess, the emotions are trying to break through they want to come out.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, it is the atmosphere, the ambience”

“Oh the surrounding”

“And also you”

“Me?”

“Yes you”

“You pierce through my reason and pull out my emotions, you peep deep inside and make me nervous, not earlier but today.”

“How so?”

“Because I cannot see you in this darkness, that I feel you, when you are not around me, you are inside me.”

“I was just thinking, Prabhat, weren’t there any woman in your life!” Sofi did not think it impertinent to ask, that they had advanced so far.

“Actually there were many, when I was of Tapan’s age, but all who I used to look at from a distance,” and Prabhat laughed out.

“You did not think of getting closer to anybody? To start friendship or a relationship?”

“Too self conscious for that kind of thing. You see even now my tender feelings are not allowed from the front door, they have to enter through the back door opened by reason and intellect. My heart Sofi has stopped to beat, i.e. I am not aware of its beating.”

“Even now?”

“Well, about now I am not sure.”

“You ought to be serious about relationships, marriage, family, you know we are not getting younger.”

Suddenly Prabhat was aware of his age. And with a deep sigh said, “Some of the things cannot be changed Sofi, one of that is one’s age. Not that if I had another chance to live, I might have done better but, yes, one thinks, there are some voids in life.”

Sofi was touched. She was sad. For Prabhat and his regrets. “Well it is never too late, no age is too late for emotions.”

“But what about you Sofi? You never had any attractions, you are young, must be having a lot of soft and tender moments treasured for lonely reflections!”

“Well, actually not Prabhat, I have been afraid, emotions will make a person weak, so to be strong in life, I relied on reason suppressing my softer tendencies.”

“You may be surprised, what an inspiration, what a motivation emotion can become, you only have to take out a paper and read all the violence and suicides that take place almost everyday. Really reason rather cools a person, it is emotion that makes him take strong steps in life.”

“Is emotion bad Prabhat? Is it a human weakness, something that seizes a person to do wicked things?”

“No not at all, rather emotions make a life rich, the one who has not felt, has not lived. A living person is a feeling person. You may think thinking is superior to feeling. But reason and emotion are bound by the bond between thought and feeling. One can hardly think without feeling or hardly feel without thinking. Mind and heart, Sofi do not have much of an independent existence.”

“But aren’t there moments when we are apathetic, when we almost don’t feel?”

“There can be a good comparison between apathy and coma – the ceasing of feeling and the ceasing of thought. Man is not manufactured to endure apathy for much length of time. It is the warmth of our heart that measures our pleasure. But remember sorrow too has its place in our life, unlike apathy, which I should call lack of life, sorrow is full of heart beats. The more variation there is in our feeling, the more our capacity for empathy. Have you ever wondered in reflection even sorrow is a pleasure. In fact in reflection all shades of emotions bring warmth.”

“So you think emotions are good for life?”

“Yes, indeed, very much so.”

“Then how will you react to the Buddhist wisdom of renunciation?”

“The Buddha to avoid sorrow advised renunciation of desire which he thought to be the source of sorrow. But renunciation should not mean turning away from society, that would make us all vegetable. At least Emerson recommends getting closer to Nature, taking pleasure in natural aesthetics. But even then society is indispensable. For the continuity of everything, knowledge, wisdom, culture, civilization we need society but of course there need be no debate on this, for now it is a scientific fact that man is a social creature.”

“Should you say then compassion and cooperation are noble values?”

“Yes, you got it right.”

“Then what do you think of competition Prabhat, which is the very basis for human progress?”

“Competition. Alas if only people knew the true nature of worthy competition! The source of all evil Sofi in today’s world is competition. Human progress is necessary and for that better knowledge, better skill, better intelligence or if you will, higher knowledge, higher skill, higher intelligence is required, but please for this sake let man not want to get superior to another. For progress, present should be advanced than the past, and future should be advanced than the present. Humanity should strive to get better than what has been. And that is enough.”

“You put me in problem, should I not conduct examinations to motivate my students to perform better and in fact better than others?”

“In an examination our only concern should be to answer the questions asked, and if another person does better than us, it is because the questions were too difficult for us and there is no need to feel any enmity towards the competitor.”

“Well isn’t enmity a great motivator?”

“To humanity’s peril, it is. But then enmity itself is a cultural product. The mildest form of enmity is dislike, but even in this form it is detestable, it is a vice to dislike a person just because he happens to be like you, that is has similar aspirations as you do have. This is the paradox of enmity between similar people. If all of us want the same thing, which is limited, all of us are each other’s natural enemies.”

“That is a great joke, we are enemies because we are alike,” Sofi laughed out.

“No not only alike but alike and ugly.”

“Why ugly?”

“Ugly, because we have not learned to share earth’s limited resources and if the current civilization has a goal, it is to learn the virtue of sharing.”

“You mean we should learn to share everything we have?”

“No not everything, there are certain things we need to share, and there are other things we need not. Don’t take me literally and universally, there is always a context.”

“And in our context, what should we do?” asked Sofi,

“How do you mean?”

“I mean I have a dilemma, and I want your advice on that. I feel, at least I used to feel that emotions make a person weak.”

“My experience shows however that emotions that is controlled emotions are good for health.”

“True but emotions are irrational, can we rely on them to make the right decision Prabhat?”

“There is an old saying, depend on your heart more than on your head, there can be a big debate on this, but I think when the two converge, a very good decision can come out.”

Things had become easier. In case of Sofi and Prabhat, reason and emotion had found a meeting place. There was no more anxiety, no more apprehension, only understanding and silent passion.

After Tapan got back with the book, Sofi and Tapan said good night to Prabhat and parted for the night.

16

When they got back from Jyoti Mahal, Sofi’s good mood lasted and showed on her face at home. Paro noticed it clearly with her feminine instinct.

“What did he say?” she asked Sofi.

“What did who say?” sofi pretended not to understand.

“What did Prabhat say that you are singing to your self, totally dipped in yourself?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on don’t be shy, I know you when I see you.”

“Nothing particular really, but he always stimulates my thought to an excitement that I admire him so much.”

“Only admire? Or something more? Paro was teasing her sister.

“What more, anyway he is here only for a month.”

“There can be more, he is alone, you are single. He has come from Bhubaneswar to visit you, you come home singing to yourself, after meeting him, indeed there must be more, and if there ever crops up still more, do tell me, I will make your path clear,” said Paro reassuringly.

Sofi understood the implication but thought it wise to remain silent and just nodded her head.

Life is queer. It never allows one to adhere to intended ways. There always crops up some twist that one is forced to change course that once seemed coming clearly.

Mr. Mohanty’s sudden illness came as a shock to his family. He was immediately rushed to Vizag. The doctor diagnosed him as suffering from blood cancer. He advised the family to pray God and leave the matter of Mr. Mohanty’s life on God. He had attained his last stage. There is no point in keeping him in the hospital and it would be a unnecessary waste of money. But Mrs. Mohanty and Sofi were not satisfied. They rushed to Vellore for further consultation. but the doctors at Vellore too offered no alternative. They advised to keep him at home and prescribed medication so that till his imminent death Mr. Mohanty can live without pain and remain as normal as possible. They could give time not more than two months.

Mr. Sahu had accompanied the Mohantys and he discussed the matter with the doctor for a final consultation. the doctors said at most the date can be moved fifteen days this way or that. Mr. Mohanth upon knowing his condition, insisted on immediate departure for home. He was brave for a man who is to leave this world within one or two months and is aware of this too.

Upon reaching Rayagada, he called all his family members to his bed side and intimated them of their financial position. On his death Mrs. Mohanty will still get partial pension. His only regret was he could not see Sofi married and settled. He also would not live to see Paro’s child. He advised Tapan to work hard and achieve something in his life. The family was deeply in gloom and only slowly recovering from the shock. Nobody expected such a calamity to dawn upon the family. Mrs Mohanty kept crying but never in front of Mr. Mohanty.

When with Mr. Mohanty, she never showed her weakness. It was an extremely difficult time for her. Of the two she had always prayed God that she leave the world first. She knew very well and had realized that death is nothing one can escape, but to live without Mr. Mohanty, Oh God! She would pray now all the time for an early escape from this life. The only support that would keep her from despair were her children. Tapan was still quite young. He will need tending. If not for her children, it would have been impossible to bear her widowhood.

Seeing an opportune moment Paro told Mr. Mohanty that Sofi and Mr. Prabhat liked each other and there may lie a good proposal for Sofi. Mr. Prabhat was spending his last days at Rayagada. And an initiative can be taken to know his mind.

Mr. Mohanty asked Paro to seek Sofi’s assent for approaching Mr. Prabhat. First Sofi refused, but when all family members insisted that since from her side Sofi had no reservation against the proposal, it will only be proper that the matter be decided during Mr. Mohanty’s life time. With some persuasion, Sofi agreed. Mr. Sahu was called and Mr. Mohanty asked him to act as the mediator on behalf of them and put the proposal to Mr. Prabhat.

Prabhat used to come in the evening time since the Mohanty’s arrival to Rayagada – a visit to Mr. Mohanty during his last days. On an opportune day when he was returning back towards his hotel, Mr. Sahu accompanied him and deftly brought up the matter of Sofi. Prabhat was of high opinion of Sofi. Mr. Sahu thought it the right moment to put the proposal. Prabhat said he needed time to thinking but before any decision, it is only required that Sofi be consulted. But in any case, the ceremony can not take place before one year as Prabhat’s mother had expired and he was in mourning. Mr. Sahu said, once decided at least the engagement can take place before Mr. Mohanty’s imminent demise as his days were but counted. To this Prabhat agreed considering the delicacy of the situation.

The next day to everybody’s pleasure the matter of relationship between Sofi and Prabhat was decided.

Mr. Mohanty thanked Prabhat profusely for coming to his rescue as God sent and extracted promise from him that he will see to Sofi’s happiness. In addition Prabhat also said that he sees a lot of promise in Tapan and would shoulder responsibility to guide him to make a career in journalism. Prabhat extended his stay in Rayagada for few more days for the engagement ceremony.

Duely on a solemn occasion Prabhat was engaged to Sofi amid the presence of family members and their neighbors.

Meera wrote in her diary, “Mohanty uncle is the happiest amid the lot present. He seemed prepared to depart us and the only one to be prepared for that. He said in his life he had lived for the welfare of his family and had never harmed one of choice. Now he is there and after a few days he will not be there. Nobody knows where will he go or what he will suffer. But we will be here and without him. We will suffer his absence. He will be for us but we will not be for him. Alone he will go o a new world and find new associates. I don’t know whether he is dieing or getting new birth! If we want to talk to him, we cannot but he will not want to talk to us, he will not remember us. Sofi didi has arranged a Brahmin to read Bhagabat Gita beside his bed everyday evening.”